23 April 2010

Tired~

Cant imagine how exhausted i am....
Went to a talk in State Bar today. its supposed to start at 5pm. but later it was postponed to 5.30. I was there at 4.30pm.
But the speaker came at around 7pm.
Its finished at near 9pm. (whats should have been from 5-6pm or 5.30pm-6.30pm)
I had to squeezed in and out of a very packed row of people on the chairs to go to pray and come back.
My shoulder and waist are sore due to the long sitting and waiting. It turned out to be nothing much (for me, dunno about others) because its not something that we cannot find by a little research. However, i do appreciate certain discussions on points that we wont get by any textual authorities. Regardless, sorry to say that the wait is more for the compulsory certificate rather than the content of the talk (since i am not that satisfied).

Another event of the day is that i had received a phone call from the AG chambers telling me to come to an interview on 27 April 2010.
The thing is...i had never applied at AGC before. but i did applied at SPA. but the job at AGC is not my first choice. I wanted something else. However, i am kinda tempted by the salary. I feel like I can barely do anything with the amount that i'm receiving now.
And i feel like I had so little time to think whether i even should come to the interview. I asked the kind officer to list my name as attending and will confirm again with him later.
But I kinda had decided by now that the time has not come for me to join service just yet. Besides, I am currently enjoying a very healthy working environment. I am not at my comfort zone and I feel like i am using my utmost thinking ability. I love using my brain even though sometimes i can barely stand the amount of pressure.
I guess I am just not into mainstream.
But why did i even bother to apply?
actually I applied to SPA before i received my final result, before chambering. I renewed my application some months ago. Some months ago, when i havent had this life i had thought that joining is better for me. I went to the exam when they send me a letter telling me to come. I did some research the night before the exam. up to that moment i kinda dont mind being accepted into it. but i kinda had some moments of realization upon reading all that questions and upon answering it. Its not that i cannot answer it. I just wonder why the questions is like that? and what kind of people that they want? why dont they want people that i think they should want? why do i have to answer like this? why wont they accept if i answered differently?
that being said, i still want to join if i get my first choice. because i believe there is still opportunity to expand there.
Its not that i dont appreciate that the people are willing to call me up. to give me a chance. for one reason, to go means to risk losing what i had now. to change my course altogether. to waste the time and money that the Firm had invested in me. Although i didnt know whether they want to retain me at all, it doesnt matter. the thing that matter is now: receiving and giving back. Besides, to being called up means that I had proven to myself that I am capable of getting that job. So its not true that only the best scorer can get it. People like me had a chance too. technically, I had proven that i am as good as them.
So i think i can move on to focus on what i had already started and finish it.
This opportunity, perhaps it can wait. If it is really my destiny, one day it will be mine. But now......i want to have this adventure.

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