Whats the meaning behind you chambering life without a real mouth fight over something so small?
I wouldn’t say that your chambering life will be meaningless…but it will be…well...uneventful.
Its not important that you win the fight.
But its important that you stood up for yourself. Cause if you don’t set up your bottom line. People would think that you don’t have any.
I feel like recording the particular incident before I forgot all the details. In fact, I think I had forgotten some of it already.
Anyway, in our firm there was a LA who had just got his PC around give or take three months ago. Remember the one who had left me on the lurch the night before my short call? Yeah that’s him.
Today I decided to go home the moment the clock struck 5.30pm. I had a few ongoing jobs but I prefer to do it at home. There were no urgent files for me to complete. I did hang around for a few minutes until it’s around 6pm. when I had clocked out the LA told me from across cubicles for me not to go home. I decided to ignore him because I thought it was about the only matter that Liza and me were doing with him which I had completed.
But he told PS secretary to call me up and told me to come back.
I came back around 15 minutes later (coz I want to send my shirts to the laundry first).
So I went up and ask him whats up. He told me to wait. So I waited. After that he told me to go to conference room and closed the door.
Then he yelled at me:
YSY: SAYA SURUH AWAK TUNGGU KENAPA AWAK TAK TUNGGU?
ME: Saya ingat awak gurau jek. Nampak macam main-main jek tak bagi saya balik?
YSY: TAPI AWAK DAH NAMPAK SAYA SURUH TUNGGU KENAPA AWAK TAK TUNGGU? KAU NAK KURANG AJAR DENGAN AKU YE!
ME: Sebab dah after 5.30pm and saya dah pun clock-out.
YSY: O, MACAM NI CARA KAU KERJA YA. KAU INGAT NI COMPANY BAPAK KAU KE. LAIN KALI SURUH BAPAK KAU JE LA BAYAR GAJI KAT KAU.
ME: PASAL BAPAK-BAPAK TAKPAYAH LA NAK MAIN. SEKARANG NI WAKTU KERJA ADALAH SEHINGGA 5.30PM JEK. DAN AKUPUN BUKAN BALIK TEPAT-TEPAT 5.30PM. AKU TUNGGU JUGAK. DISEBABKAN KERJA AKU DAH SIAP DAN MEMANDANGKAN KAU TAKDE PULAK BAGITAU AWAL-AWAL SEBELUM WAKTU HABIS KERJA SURUH AKU TUNGGU JADI AKUPUN TAKDE LA TUNGGU.
YSY: KAN KAU NAMPAK AKU DAH SURUH TUNGGU. KENAPA KAU BALIK JUGAK BILA AKU DAH SURUH TUNGGU?
ME: SEBAB AKU MEMANG DENGAN SENGAJA NAK BALIK.
YSY: TADI KAU CAKAP KAU INGAT AKU BERGURAU!?
ME: TADI AKU CUBA CARA BAIK. SEKARANG AKU BAGITAU LA PERKARA YANG SEBENARNYE SEBAB KO DAH JERIT-JERIT KAT AKU.
YSY: KAU SENDIRI PUN TAU AKU TAKDE NAK MENYUSAHKAN BUDAK CHAMBERING.
ME: AKU TAU KO TAKDE NAK MENYUSAHKAN KITORANG
YSY: BILE AKU SURUH TUNGGU TU MAKNANYE ADA KERJA!
ME: KERJA APE? HA BAGITAU LA KERJA APE? MANE? MANE?
YSY: EH, SEKARANG KAU NAK MENGARAH-ARAH AKU PULAK? KAU TAK HORMAT DEKAT AKU YE. KURANG AJAR. KAU INGAT AKU NI SAPE? ABANG KAU KE?
ME: AKU TAKDE PULAK ANGGAP KAU TU SAUDARA MARA AKU. AKUPUN HORMAT JE DEKAT ORANG YANG HORMAT AKU. KALAU KAU DAH GUNA CARA MACAM NI. AKU TERPAKSA LA GUNA CARA YANG SAMA.
YSY: KAU INGAT AKU NAK BAGI KAU KERJA APE?
ME: KALAU PASAL PUSPAKOM TU AKU AKU DAN LIZA DAH CHECK DUA KALI. KAU BAGI DUA DRAFT YANG BERBEZA. TAPI TAKPE, AKU CHECK JUGAK DUA-DUA. FOUND OUT SATU TAK LENGKAP. SO KITORANG BASED LA DEKAT YANG PALING LENGKAP AND BUAT COMMENT DEKAT SITU. SEKALI KO CAKAP YANG TAK LENGKAP ITULAH YANG TERBARU. TAKPE, KITORANG BUAT JUGAK KAT YANG TERBARU. TETIBE FOUND OUT SEBLOM BALIK YANG DUA-DUA PUN BUKAN DRAFTNYE. JADI BILA KO PANGGIL TU AKU ASSUMED PASAL KO NAK SURUH AKU BUAT BALIK DEKAT DRAFT YANG BETUL. SO AKUPUN MALAS NAK LAYAN.
YSY: (started to slow down) Aku bukan nak bagi ko kerja Puspakom. Aku nak bagi ko kerja BERNAS. Ini Puan yang suruh.
ME: Kalau Puan yang suruh, apsal ko tak jerit kat aku..”sarah, tunggu kejap…ada kerja Puan” barulah aku nak tunggu.
YSY: Aku malas la nak guna nama pulak.
ME: (Seeing that he had slowed down, i decided to slow down too) Kalau macam tu mungkin akupun silap tak tunggu tapi kau pun ada salah kau jugak dengan aku. Jadi ko tak perlu la nak jerit-jerit. Kena ada give and take. Kalau setakat first mistake..tak payah la nak jerit-jerit. Tegur je elok-elok tak boleh?
YSY: Huh!
Me: (silent)
YSY: dahlah, bertekak pun tak gune. Sekarang ni kerja Puan ni macam ni…..
And we started to discuss like nothing happened. But Allah knows how unfocused I am. The truth is I was so shaken. But of course, he wouldn’t see that.
It turned out that it was only a research work that will only be due on next week Monday. Which also could wait until I came back tomorrow. I just don’t want to prolong the matter so I didn’t point that out to him how absurd all the arguments are. I understand that he just couldn’t accept the fact that I had left him just like that. So he told the secretary to called me up back to the office just to assert his authority which I in turn do not appreciate due to my defense mechanism.
Then, after he had finished explaining what was required of me. He said: “Saya mintak maaf untuk meninggi suara” then I said quickly after that “saya pun”.
Then we acted like nothing happened when we were out of the conference room.
Okay, I could have said meaner things than what I have already said. Like “bukan kau yang bayar gaji aku pun” and “eleh kalau setakat gaji ciput macam ni memang bapak aku boleh bayar” or “aku memang tak answerable kat ko …ko tu sape nak jerit-jerit kat aku? Master aku pun tak pernah jerit kat aku.”
But I decided to try to be as diplomatic as I can be first. Besides, I am glad that I didn’t use the mean words. Because he did apologized after that. Plus, the fact that I had shouted back to him is quite enough already. I am quite sympathetic with his huge ego. So I think I had bruised quite a pride by showing no fear towards him.
When I drive back home after the incident. I do regret that I didn’t say the following:
“hormat ni bukan sesuatu yang bila kita minta orang terus bagi. Respect is something that is earned from each different individual. So why should I respect you when you had not earned mine?”
But of course, I wouldn’t have the ability to produce that line in the heat of an argument. Because despite what people think on my answers above. I honestly believe that I had zero ability to perang mulut. Yes, I can state my opinion clearly in a discussion etc. but that was only when the situation is not intense and involved only civilized people. I cannot react quite effectively when people started to shout and say things like ‘kurang ajar’ or ‘bapak kau’ or ‘kau ingat aku ni sape?” and the likes of it. One of the reason is I am amazed at how people can lowered their self-image easily..so at that pondering state I am quite tongue tied. I am always amaze at the people who can say exactly what they wanted on a perang mulut.
I am like Kathleen in You’ve got Mail when she told Joe Fox that she couldn’t say what she wanted to say to mean people and she is amaze at Joe Fox for that ability:
Joe Fox: [talking via email to "Shopgirl"] Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and walking away, you zing them? "Hello, it's Mr Nasty." I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Kathleen Kelly: [talking via email to "NY152"] No, I know exactly what you mean, and I'm completely jealous. What happens to me when I'm provoked is that I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said. What should I have said, for example, to a bottom dweller who recently belittled my existence?
[stops and thinks]
Kathleen Kelly: Nothing. Even now, days later, I can't figure it out.
Joe Fox: Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you? And then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time, and we'd both be happy. But then, on the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.
(Quoted from IMDB)
And later in the movie Kathleen had became the mean person that she wanted to be:
Joe Fox: I think you'd discover a lot of things if you really knew me.
Kathleen Kelly: If I really knew you, I know exactly what I'd find: instead of a brain a cash register, instead of a heart a bottom line.
[gasps]
Joe Fox: What?
Kathleen Kelly: I just had a breakthrough.
Joe Fox: What is it?
Kathleen Kelly: I have you to thank for it. For the first time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and I said it.
Joe Fox: I think you have the gift for it. It was a perfect blend of poetry and meanness.
(quoted from IMDB)
Actually there is no significant difference whether you said exactly whats in your mind and not saying it to mean people.
So in way, after I sat down and started to blog about this, I really don’t care if I had hurt YSY bad enough or not. I don’t care if he’s hurt or not. I only care about getting through the whole chambering. The difference about me than everybody else is that I had escaped from the mean partner in my previous firm. Therefore, the only thing that I have to deal now…is YSY and he is nothing compared to what I have been through. Without YSY my chambering life would be so dull. And the situation will be a blatant contrast between my previous firm and the current firm. So I have YSY in my current firm to argue with because all other partners and another lawyer is not prone to shouting. To tell the truth, I am quite happy that YSY is quite my own size (in terms of position) where I can be more rude if I wish to be so than I had been with AM (the partner in previous firm). In short, I don’t have to be too respectful.
So, I am still not sorry that I had turned down the chance to attend the interview in AG. and people who knew me always know my scores with interviews. So believe it or not, i can get that job if i tried. But I am still not sorry that I had to go through this, and forget about above 2k per month...with only less than 1k.
I wouldn’t say that your chambering life will be meaningless…but it will be…well...uneventful.
Its not important that you win the fight.
But its important that you stood up for yourself. Cause if you don’t set up your bottom line. People would think that you don’t have any.
I feel like recording the particular incident before I forgot all the details. In fact, I think I had forgotten some of it already.
Anyway, in our firm there was a LA who had just got his PC around give or take three months ago. Remember the one who had left me on the lurch the night before my short call? Yeah that’s him.
Today I decided to go home the moment the clock struck 5.30pm. I had a few ongoing jobs but I prefer to do it at home. There were no urgent files for me to complete. I did hang around for a few minutes until it’s around 6pm. when I had clocked out the LA told me from across cubicles for me not to go home. I decided to ignore him because I thought it was about the only matter that Liza and me were doing with him which I had completed.
But he told PS secretary to call me up and told me to come back.
I came back around 15 minutes later (coz I want to send my shirts to the laundry first).
So I went up and ask him whats up. He told me to wait. So I waited. After that he told me to go to conference room and closed the door.
Then he yelled at me:
YSY: SAYA SURUH AWAK TUNGGU KENAPA AWAK TAK TUNGGU?
ME: Saya ingat awak gurau jek. Nampak macam main-main jek tak bagi saya balik?
YSY: TAPI AWAK DAH NAMPAK SAYA SURUH TUNGGU KENAPA AWAK TAK TUNGGU? KAU NAK KURANG AJAR DENGAN AKU YE!
ME: Sebab dah after 5.30pm and saya dah pun clock-out.
YSY: O, MACAM NI CARA KAU KERJA YA. KAU INGAT NI COMPANY BAPAK KAU KE. LAIN KALI SURUH BAPAK KAU JE LA BAYAR GAJI KAT KAU.
ME: PASAL BAPAK-BAPAK TAKPAYAH LA NAK MAIN. SEKARANG NI WAKTU KERJA ADALAH SEHINGGA 5.30PM JEK. DAN AKUPUN BUKAN BALIK TEPAT-TEPAT 5.30PM. AKU TUNGGU JUGAK. DISEBABKAN KERJA AKU DAH SIAP DAN MEMANDANGKAN KAU TAKDE PULAK BAGITAU AWAL-AWAL SEBELUM WAKTU HABIS KERJA SURUH AKU TUNGGU JADI AKUPUN TAKDE LA TUNGGU.
YSY: KAN KAU NAMPAK AKU DAH SURUH TUNGGU. KENAPA KAU BALIK JUGAK BILA AKU DAH SURUH TUNGGU?
ME: SEBAB AKU MEMANG DENGAN SENGAJA NAK BALIK.
YSY: TADI KAU CAKAP KAU INGAT AKU BERGURAU!?
ME: TADI AKU CUBA CARA BAIK. SEKARANG AKU BAGITAU LA PERKARA YANG SEBENARNYE SEBAB KO DAH JERIT-JERIT KAT AKU.
YSY: KAU SENDIRI PUN TAU AKU TAKDE NAK MENYUSAHKAN BUDAK CHAMBERING.
ME: AKU TAU KO TAKDE NAK MENYUSAHKAN KITORANG
YSY: BILE AKU SURUH TUNGGU TU MAKNANYE ADA KERJA!
ME: KERJA APE? HA BAGITAU LA KERJA APE? MANE? MANE?
YSY: EH, SEKARANG KAU NAK MENGARAH-ARAH AKU PULAK? KAU TAK HORMAT DEKAT AKU YE. KURANG AJAR. KAU INGAT AKU NI SAPE? ABANG KAU KE?
ME: AKU TAKDE PULAK ANGGAP KAU TU SAUDARA MARA AKU. AKUPUN HORMAT JE DEKAT ORANG YANG HORMAT AKU. KALAU KAU DAH GUNA CARA MACAM NI. AKU TERPAKSA LA GUNA CARA YANG SAMA.
YSY: KAU INGAT AKU NAK BAGI KAU KERJA APE?
ME: KALAU PASAL PUSPAKOM TU AKU AKU DAN LIZA DAH CHECK DUA KALI. KAU BAGI DUA DRAFT YANG BERBEZA. TAPI TAKPE, AKU CHECK JUGAK DUA-DUA. FOUND OUT SATU TAK LENGKAP. SO KITORANG BASED LA DEKAT YANG PALING LENGKAP AND BUAT COMMENT DEKAT SITU. SEKALI KO CAKAP YANG TAK LENGKAP ITULAH YANG TERBARU. TAKPE, KITORANG BUAT JUGAK KAT YANG TERBARU. TETIBE FOUND OUT SEBLOM BALIK YANG DUA-DUA PUN BUKAN DRAFTNYE. JADI BILA KO PANGGIL TU AKU ASSUMED PASAL KO NAK SURUH AKU BUAT BALIK DEKAT DRAFT YANG BETUL. SO AKUPUN MALAS NAK LAYAN.
YSY: (started to slow down) Aku bukan nak bagi ko kerja Puspakom. Aku nak bagi ko kerja BERNAS. Ini Puan yang suruh.
ME: Kalau Puan yang suruh, apsal ko tak jerit kat aku..”sarah, tunggu kejap…ada kerja Puan” barulah aku nak tunggu.
YSY: Aku malas la nak guna nama pulak.
ME: (Seeing that he had slowed down, i decided to slow down too) Kalau macam tu mungkin akupun silap tak tunggu tapi kau pun ada salah kau jugak dengan aku. Jadi ko tak perlu la nak jerit-jerit. Kena ada give and take. Kalau setakat first mistake..tak payah la nak jerit-jerit. Tegur je elok-elok tak boleh?
YSY: Huh!
Me: (silent)
YSY: dahlah, bertekak pun tak gune. Sekarang ni kerja Puan ni macam ni…..
And we started to discuss like nothing happened. But Allah knows how unfocused I am. The truth is I was so shaken. But of course, he wouldn’t see that.
It turned out that it was only a research work that will only be due on next week Monday. Which also could wait until I came back tomorrow. I just don’t want to prolong the matter so I didn’t point that out to him how absurd all the arguments are. I understand that he just couldn’t accept the fact that I had left him just like that. So he told the secretary to called me up back to the office just to assert his authority which I in turn do not appreciate due to my defense mechanism.
Then, after he had finished explaining what was required of me. He said: “Saya mintak maaf untuk meninggi suara” then I said quickly after that “saya pun”.
Then we acted like nothing happened when we were out of the conference room.
Okay, I could have said meaner things than what I have already said. Like “bukan kau yang bayar gaji aku pun” and “eleh kalau setakat gaji ciput macam ni memang bapak aku boleh bayar” or “aku memang tak answerable kat ko …ko tu sape nak jerit-jerit kat aku? Master aku pun tak pernah jerit kat aku.”
But I decided to try to be as diplomatic as I can be first. Besides, I am glad that I didn’t use the mean words. Because he did apologized after that. Plus, the fact that I had shouted back to him is quite enough already. I am quite sympathetic with his huge ego. So I think I had bruised quite a pride by showing no fear towards him.
When I drive back home after the incident. I do regret that I didn’t say the following:
“hormat ni bukan sesuatu yang bila kita minta orang terus bagi. Respect is something that is earned from each different individual. So why should I respect you when you had not earned mine?”
But of course, I wouldn’t have the ability to produce that line in the heat of an argument. Because despite what people think on my answers above. I honestly believe that I had zero ability to perang mulut. Yes, I can state my opinion clearly in a discussion etc. but that was only when the situation is not intense and involved only civilized people. I cannot react quite effectively when people started to shout and say things like ‘kurang ajar’ or ‘bapak kau’ or ‘kau ingat aku ni sape?” and the likes of it. One of the reason is I am amazed at how people can lowered their self-image easily..so at that pondering state I am quite tongue tied. I am always amaze at the people who can say exactly what they wanted on a perang mulut.
I am like Kathleen in You’ve got Mail when she told Joe Fox that she couldn’t say what she wanted to say to mean people and she is amaze at Joe Fox for that ability:
Joe Fox: [talking via email to "Shopgirl"] Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and walking away, you zing them? "Hello, it's Mr Nasty." I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Kathleen Kelly: [talking via email to "NY152"] No, I know exactly what you mean, and I'm completely jealous. What happens to me when I'm provoked is that I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said. What should I have said, for example, to a bottom dweller who recently belittled my existence?
[stops and thinks]
Kathleen Kelly: Nothing. Even now, days later, I can't figure it out.
Joe Fox: Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you? And then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time, and we'd both be happy. But then, on the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.
(Quoted from IMDB)
And later in the movie Kathleen had became the mean person that she wanted to be:
Joe Fox: I think you'd discover a lot of things if you really knew me.
Kathleen Kelly: If I really knew you, I know exactly what I'd find: instead of a brain a cash register, instead of a heart a bottom line.
[gasps]
Joe Fox: What?
Kathleen Kelly: I just had a breakthrough.
Joe Fox: What is it?
Kathleen Kelly: I have you to thank for it. For the first time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and I said it.
Joe Fox: I think you have the gift for it. It was a perfect blend of poetry and meanness.
(quoted from IMDB)
Actually there is no significant difference whether you said exactly whats in your mind and not saying it to mean people.
So in way, after I sat down and started to blog about this, I really don’t care if I had hurt YSY bad enough or not. I don’t care if he’s hurt or not. I only care about getting through the whole chambering. The difference about me than everybody else is that I had escaped from the mean partner in my previous firm. Therefore, the only thing that I have to deal now…is YSY and he is nothing compared to what I have been through. Without YSY my chambering life would be so dull. And the situation will be a blatant contrast between my previous firm and the current firm. So I have YSY in my current firm to argue with because all other partners and another lawyer is not prone to shouting. To tell the truth, I am quite happy that YSY is quite my own size (in terms of position) where I can be more rude if I wish to be so than I had been with AM (the partner in previous firm). In short, I don’t have to be too respectful.
So, I am still not sorry that I had turned down the chance to attend the interview in AG. and people who knew me always know my scores with interviews. So believe it or not, i can get that job if i tried. But I am still not sorry that I had to go through this, and forget about above 2k per month...with only less than 1k.
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