I went to take a peak at my old blog just now and i'm sad that i cant write as much as that anymore. my mind just went blank ..... everytime i typed a sentence or two. or my eyes felt tired. or i became disinterested to write further and thus i wrote faster and simpler.
A few moths ago i emptied my parent's house from all of my stuffs. I found my old diaries. I was quite amazed at the way i write and describe things when i was in high school. I can actually laugh, sympathize, and enjoyed at what my old self had written. i wonder where all that has gone to. perhaps it went away together with my old view of life that i can no longer remember. sometimes i wonder who was i when i was 17. i seriously have forgotten.
i still have this faraway dream of being a writer. but with how things goes and the way i write now i guess i should have decided and be one when i was in high school. because i write so much better then. I should have looked at my dream seriously back when my english teacher cried at an examination essay that i had written. i even lost that masterpiece. as i grew up to be more practical i lost that strong sense of imagination when i was a kid. When i was in primary school, i used to love whenever they have essay test or exam. Back then, i didnt even realize that i was writing. I was lost in the world that i created. the people that i created. the story that i created. writing is what i do best back then.
i miss that. i wonder if i can go back to that. perhaps i should drop everything and stay home any try to make up stories. the house that i live in now is perfect for that kind of work.
well that was just a dream
I dont think its practical to go on chasing dream.
perhaps i can chase it if i'm still breathing after i reached my retirement age.
Showing posts with label rhapsody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rhapsody. Show all posts
28 February 2010
22 November 2009
Its been too long
Ada orang kata bila dah ada blog, adalah menjadi tanggungjawab kita untuk selalu update. tapi aku tak sependapat. bagi aku, kalau aku ada blog, suka hati aku la bila aku nak tulis. aku tidak mengharap ada orang nak baca tapi kalau ada orang baca aku harap ia berfaedah kepada mereka.
Yes, apalah sangat kisah-kisah kehidupan dan ketidak puasan hati aku berbanding artikel-artikel politik mahupun isu-isu semasa. tapi orang kata, it's a free country.
Aku tidak pernah ada definisi yang tepat tentang perasaan aku. kadang-kadang aku sengaja mencipta keadaan di mana aku tidak perlu berasa apa-apa. aku suka berasa senang. tapi aku lebih suka tidak berasa apa-apa dari rasa yang agak hampeh.
Aku sedang tertanya-tanya, betulkah aku sudah tamat pengajian selama 5 tahun setengah sebagai pelajar? adakah aku in denial? tidak, aku bukan in denial. aku cuma realistik dan praktikal. realitinya result tak keluar lagi. jadi tidak dapat dipastikan samada aku benar2 telah tamat atau tidak.
aku memang tidak faham apa yg dihuru-harakan oleh semua orang sekarang ini.
Yep, aku memang kurang genius sehingga terdapat keraguan untuk aku lulus semuanya. tetapi walaupun seseorang itu genius sekalipun masih terdapat ruang untuk dia tidak lulus. kerana kita bukannya boleh melihat masa depan. jadi tidak perlulah nak terkinja-kinja. tapi kalau lulus pun tidak bermakna boleh terkinja-kinja.
Aku lebih suka berasa yang aku ini bodoh dan masih banyak yang perlu dipelajari dari merasakan yang aku ini sudah cukup pandai. Kerana kebodohan sebenar adalah merasakan yang anda sudah pandai.
bercakap tentang terkinja-kinja. aku terfikir, walaupun kita semua lulus dengan jayanya apakah yang telah kita kecapi sebenarnya?
Manusia telah mengubah sejarah walaupun umurnya baru 20 tahun. (siapa? google la banyak je)
tapi ape yg kita dah buat? Macam tak ade apepe jek. Kemunduran lagi ada lah.
Bagi aku adalah satu kemunduran kalau kita terlalu terikut-ikut dengan benda-benda pelik yang ada di sekeliling kita. bila kita menolak dikatakan tradisional dan tidak ikut peredaran zaman. kalau kita serius pun orang kata itu masalah. padahal, orang bangkit dari benda-benda pelik yang mereka sedang lakukan sekarang untuk mencipta satu tamadun. tradisi adalah modernisasi. menjadi orang yg tradisional sebenarnye tidak kolot. ia ada lah satu class dan prestige. kerana tradisi-tradisi, custom etc itulah yang membezakan orang yang modern dan orang yang kolot. sebenarnye orang yang dikatakan 'moden' itulah yang kolot kerana kembali kepada kegelapan. mereka bukan moden, mereka cuma sekular dan tolol.
Aku cuma merenung sendiri. Aku mungkin juga telah melakukan banyak benda yang bodoh. tetapi aku merasakan yang aku juga telah menjadi sedikit dewasa berbanding sekiranya aku tidak berjaya hidup di dalam institusi yang autocratic ini. sekurang-kurangnya aku dapat melihat bahawa mereka tertanya-tanya mengapa pelajar mereka tidak berfikiran terbuka dan bodoh seperti lembu yang dicucuk hidung sedangkan institusi mereka sendiri yang mencucukkan besi di dalam hidung 'lembu-lembu' tersebut.
Aku juga tidak mempunyai jawapan mengapa aku menulis sebegini. mungkin kerana inilah perasaan aku sekarang. dan hanya inilah cara dan gaya untuk aku meluahkan. atau mungkin juga kerana aku sedang membaca karya-karya Wahba dan penulis-penulis lama yang lain. Selepas ini aku mahu membaca Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky disamping menghabiskan buku Charles Dickens (Little Dorrit).
Ape plan aku pasni? malaslah nak cakap. aku ni bukan orang yang suka bermimpi. aku nak teruskan kehidupan. mencapai segala peluang yang ada dan tidak memilih sangat. aku akan teruskan dengan chambering sebab itu adalah pilihan yang paling logik. tetapi sekiranya aku mendapat tawaran yang lebih baik aku akan terima je. Sementara menuggu result aku mungkin aku bekerja dimana-mana yang patut untuk mengisi kocek. tapi aku tidak mahu terlibat dalam dunia kapitalis yg kejam dan bekerja di restoran makanan segera atau shopping complex.
aku juga teringin nak membuang masa dan duit dengan lepak2 dan shopping2. tengok wayang etc. aku paling nak sekali pegi bercuti. tapi tengoklah kalau ada rezeki lebih.
dah ah, bosan plak. cukup sampai sini. adios.
Yes, apalah sangat kisah-kisah kehidupan dan ketidak puasan hati aku berbanding artikel-artikel politik mahupun isu-isu semasa. tapi orang kata, it's a free country.
Aku tidak pernah ada definisi yang tepat tentang perasaan aku. kadang-kadang aku sengaja mencipta keadaan di mana aku tidak perlu berasa apa-apa. aku suka berasa senang. tapi aku lebih suka tidak berasa apa-apa dari rasa yang agak hampeh.
Aku sedang tertanya-tanya, betulkah aku sudah tamat pengajian selama 5 tahun setengah sebagai pelajar? adakah aku in denial? tidak, aku bukan in denial. aku cuma realistik dan praktikal. realitinya result tak keluar lagi. jadi tidak dapat dipastikan samada aku benar2 telah tamat atau tidak.
aku memang tidak faham apa yg dihuru-harakan oleh semua orang sekarang ini.
Yep, aku memang kurang genius sehingga terdapat keraguan untuk aku lulus semuanya. tetapi walaupun seseorang itu genius sekalipun masih terdapat ruang untuk dia tidak lulus. kerana kita bukannya boleh melihat masa depan. jadi tidak perlulah nak terkinja-kinja. tapi kalau lulus pun tidak bermakna boleh terkinja-kinja.
Aku lebih suka berasa yang aku ini bodoh dan masih banyak yang perlu dipelajari dari merasakan yang aku ini sudah cukup pandai. Kerana kebodohan sebenar adalah merasakan yang anda sudah pandai.
bercakap tentang terkinja-kinja. aku terfikir, walaupun kita semua lulus dengan jayanya apakah yang telah kita kecapi sebenarnya?
Manusia telah mengubah sejarah walaupun umurnya baru 20 tahun. (siapa? google la banyak je)
tapi ape yg kita dah buat? Macam tak ade apepe jek. Kemunduran lagi ada lah.
Bagi aku adalah satu kemunduran kalau kita terlalu terikut-ikut dengan benda-benda pelik yang ada di sekeliling kita. bila kita menolak dikatakan tradisional dan tidak ikut peredaran zaman. kalau kita serius pun orang kata itu masalah. padahal, orang bangkit dari benda-benda pelik yang mereka sedang lakukan sekarang untuk mencipta satu tamadun. tradisi adalah modernisasi. menjadi orang yg tradisional sebenarnye tidak kolot. ia ada lah satu class dan prestige. kerana tradisi-tradisi, custom etc itulah yang membezakan orang yang modern dan orang yang kolot. sebenarnye orang yang dikatakan 'moden' itulah yang kolot kerana kembali kepada kegelapan. mereka bukan moden, mereka cuma sekular dan tolol.
Aku cuma merenung sendiri. Aku mungkin juga telah melakukan banyak benda yang bodoh. tetapi aku merasakan yang aku juga telah menjadi sedikit dewasa berbanding sekiranya aku tidak berjaya hidup di dalam institusi yang autocratic ini. sekurang-kurangnya aku dapat melihat bahawa mereka tertanya-tanya mengapa pelajar mereka tidak berfikiran terbuka dan bodoh seperti lembu yang dicucuk hidung sedangkan institusi mereka sendiri yang mencucukkan besi di dalam hidung 'lembu-lembu' tersebut.
Aku juga tidak mempunyai jawapan mengapa aku menulis sebegini. mungkin kerana inilah perasaan aku sekarang. dan hanya inilah cara dan gaya untuk aku meluahkan. atau mungkin juga kerana aku sedang membaca karya-karya Wahba dan penulis-penulis lama yang lain. Selepas ini aku mahu membaca Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky disamping menghabiskan buku Charles Dickens (Little Dorrit).
Ape plan aku pasni? malaslah nak cakap. aku ni bukan orang yang suka bermimpi. aku nak teruskan kehidupan. mencapai segala peluang yang ada dan tidak memilih sangat. aku akan teruskan dengan chambering sebab itu adalah pilihan yang paling logik. tetapi sekiranya aku mendapat tawaran yang lebih baik aku akan terima je. Sementara menuggu result aku mungkin aku bekerja dimana-mana yang patut untuk mengisi kocek. tapi aku tidak mahu terlibat dalam dunia kapitalis yg kejam dan bekerja di restoran makanan segera atau shopping complex.
aku juga teringin nak membuang masa dan duit dengan lepak2 dan shopping2. tengok wayang etc. aku paling nak sekali pegi bercuti. tapi tengoklah kalau ada rezeki lebih.
dah ah, bosan plak. cukup sampai sini. adios.
16 October 2009
Exam syndrome is back
The reality is I have a lot of things to settle before revision week. And i Dont even think that I will have any proper time to study (as usual) and I will then end up depending on my luck (as usual).
That being said, i still feel like i need to do something to kill time thats already dead. I dont feel like doing that alone but i am quite choosy in selecting company. And the company that i want had some affairs to handle.
other people that i like is either too far away or i am just too shy to ask.
So, after paying RM20 fine at legal Unit (i dont want to comment on this), I feel like doing something. asked a friend to come with me and watch Papadom but the answer is negative.
I dont feel like driving too far and stuck in traffic jam alone.
decided to check Wangsa Walk out.It opened officially today(?). I know the cinema is yet to be opened but i just want to see whats it's all about.
Well, its quite boring so far. Perhaps the only main attraction is the soon to be opened cinema. I suggest anyone going there to not wear any heels. luckily i wore my shoes. its literally a 'walking' place with 'hilly' pathways and stairs.
I dont like the layout of the place. but it has some interesting places to people NOT like me such as TGI Fridays, Secret Recipe, Popular. I checked their FOS out but the garments are boring and small. Went to Guardian, Vitacare and Cold Storage to find a shower cap but oddly they have none.
I mean, if u cant get a shower cap from pharmacy or supermarket where else can you find it? I explored every inch of the place. thought if interesting shops came out later and the cinema open it might turn out to be really nice.
but i guess it will be filled with juniors. seniors like us will leave soon enough. not that i envy that at all since it will just be an excuse for them to be stupider in life.
Bought two Rotiboy and ate while driving back. And I was thinking now that even if I went out to do something really fun rather than checking out the boring place I would still be hollow.
Perhaps its my annual exam syndrome. talking about that, why is it so hard to find my man? Is it really true that i must go to the next one million people to find that one in a million since i'm already one in a million person in this million?
That being said, i still feel like i need to do something to kill time thats already dead. I dont feel like doing that alone but i am quite choosy in selecting company. And the company that i want had some affairs to handle.
other people that i like is either too far away or i am just too shy to ask.
So, after paying RM20 fine at legal Unit (i dont want to comment on this), I feel like doing something. asked a friend to come with me and watch Papadom but the answer is negative.
I dont feel like driving too far and stuck in traffic jam alone.
decided to check Wangsa Walk out.It opened officially today(?). I know the cinema is yet to be opened but i just want to see whats it's all about.
Well, its quite boring so far. Perhaps the only main attraction is the soon to be opened cinema. I suggest anyone going there to not wear any heels. luckily i wore my shoes. its literally a 'walking' place with 'hilly' pathways and stairs.
I dont like the layout of the place. but it has some interesting places to people NOT like me such as TGI Fridays, Secret Recipe, Popular. I checked their FOS out but the garments are boring and small. Went to Guardian, Vitacare and Cold Storage to find a shower cap but oddly they have none.
I mean, if u cant get a shower cap from pharmacy or supermarket where else can you find it? I explored every inch of the place. thought if interesting shops came out later and the cinema open it might turn out to be really nice.
but i guess it will be filled with juniors. seniors like us will leave soon enough. not that i envy that at all since it will just be an excuse for them to be stupider in life.
Bought two Rotiboy and ate while driving back. And I was thinking now that even if I went out to do something really fun rather than checking out the boring place I would still be hollow.
Perhaps its my annual exam syndrome. talking about that, why is it so hard to find my man? Is it really true that i must go to the next one million people to find that one in a million since i'm already one in a million person in this million?
14 September 2009
Trance
My writers block these days came at shorter intervals. plus, when it came....my blog became the desert for quite some time.
right, even now i didnt know what is it actually that i wanted to write. the accumulation of things that i want to write made me numb and my brain went blank.
After coming back from medical leave, i feel like i'm losing track (as i have expected before the leave). the hectic life as a law student made me unable to catch what i missed. i just have to go forward with the current topics for all subjects. Even without the leave issue. i still feel like everything is a dream and i am living in a trance. my heart is no longer in it. One lawyer once commented on why i hate Equity and Trust. she said 'maybe its the lecturer.' For that subject...what she said is true. i hate that subject because the lecturer is annoyingly psycho. but what about now? well, the lecturers are all equally pressure giver, nothing's different. I dont know....perhaps, coupled with one poyo guy for a lecturer plus everyone seem to go gaga over him (i heard nothing new from him which is y i cant understand y...any why...and why...) i just seem to begin losing interest.
Apart from that, its the people issue too. I am actually a skeptic - which means i always believe that one day people will show its true colour. it's just a matter of time. Many people were uneasy with my bluntness and the 'swiftness' of decision. However, in my defense at least you know what to expect from me and will always know what i think and who i am, what is my policy, how i decide. I will never change. But for many people out there....how long do you think until they will behave differently? One day they are your friend and the next day they stab you behind your back etc etc (well maybe not next day, maybe one year or four years later. but still). If i disagree with anything i will just move away from it. and 'it' will know. so whatever happens next is not a surprise. in the war you see, i prefer the chivalrous method. the headlong method where your enemy will see you.
Today, i didnt mean to be understood. what you read is just a fragment of how my mind works. trust me. you wont understand.
What i want to say next is....
My philosophy is that everything is fair and balanced. sometimes i just let myself be used. i became nicer etc etc. that was just a repercussion of what people did to me. that people are nice to me. they became useful to me one way or another. so when they made themselves 'disagreeable' i just let it pass because i used their kindness as a neutralizer. but i'm just afraid the neutralizer will dry if i couldnt find the refill.
the thing is, i am not afraid to be alone. i've been alone since forever. and i think everyone is alone in their thoughts too. so i dont want to waste time fixing things. i just want to move on to then next thing to do. maybe when one day i've done everything that i wanted to do i will regret the 'discard and move' policy. but the question is...will i have the time to regret? the thing is, even when u feel like the relationship will never end...it will end. so whats the different between ending it early or late?
again.....you will never understand.
right, even now i didnt know what is it actually that i wanted to write. the accumulation of things that i want to write made me numb and my brain went blank.
After coming back from medical leave, i feel like i'm losing track (as i have expected before the leave). the hectic life as a law student made me unable to catch what i missed. i just have to go forward with the current topics for all subjects. Even without the leave issue. i still feel like everything is a dream and i am living in a trance. my heart is no longer in it. One lawyer once commented on why i hate Equity and Trust. she said 'maybe its the lecturer.' For that subject...what she said is true. i hate that subject because the lecturer is annoyingly psycho. but what about now? well, the lecturers are all equally pressure giver, nothing's different. I dont know....perhaps, coupled with one poyo guy for a lecturer plus everyone seem to go gaga over him (i heard nothing new from him which is y i cant understand y...any why...and why...) i just seem to begin losing interest.
Apart from that, its the people issue too. I am actually a skeptic - which means i always believe that one day people will show its true colour. it's just a matter of time. Many people were uneasy with my bluntness and the 'swiftness' of decision. However, in my defense at least you know what to expect from me and will always know what i think and who i am, what is my policy, how i decide. I will never change. But for many people out there....how long do you think until they will behave differently? One day they are your friend and the next day they stab you behind your back etc etc (well maybe not next day, maybe one year or four years later. but still). If i disagree with anything i will just move away from it. and 'it' will know. so whatever happens next is not a surprise. in the war you see, i prefer the chivalrous method. the headlong method where your enemy will see you.
Today, i didnt mean to be understood. what you read is just a fragment of how my mind works. trust me. you wont understand.
What i want to say next is....
My philosophy is that everything is fair and balanced. sometimes i just let myself be used. i became nicer etc etc. that was just a repercussion of what people did to me. that people are nice to me. they became useful to me one way or another. so when they made themselves 'disagreeable' i just let it pass because i used their kindness as a neutralizer. but i'm just afraid the neutralizer will dry if i couldnt find the refill.
the thing is, i am not afraid to be alone. i've been alone since forever. and i think everyone is alone in their thoughts too. so i dont want to waste time fixing things. i just want to move on to then next thing to do. maybe when one day i've done everything that i wanted to do i will regret the 'discard and move' policy. but the question is...will i have the time to regret? the thing is, even when u feel like the relationship will never end...it will end. so whats the different between ending it early or late?
again.....you will never understand.
17 April 2009
Muslimah
those two last papers was really tough. I wont be surprised if for the first time I'm going to retake a subject. talking about being a repeaters, i have this ex-friend who repeats papers. Recently, she called me a bad muslimah and not amanah. well, i kinda dont get her definition of good muslimah or amanah. because my informers told me she skipped classes and tutorials, didnt do her course works, even had the gut to tell my friend to lie to a lecturer because she have not finished her work. that aside, how can a good muslimah and an amanah calls another person as not? Sure, i am defective in every ways.
but haha, i dont think i am as bad as that.
so what i'm thinking is i might be nearly on the same level as her when i do repeat a paper. heck, how can an amanah person and good muslimah repeats three subjects? here's what i want to propose. if i do repeat subject next semester i'm gonna believe you that i am as stupid as you. trust me, i am really degrading myself here. I really do not hate you. I just hate your stupidity and am allergic to it. haish, how can i be so sharp. but in return, i am allowing you to revel on my downfall should i really fall next semester. btw, i have a nickname for you: MUSLIMAH. thats a good name lah.
may u REALLY WILL turn out as a MUSLIMAH. (amin). like they said, love your enemy (though u arent) and they'll hate you for it.
i repeat, u're not my enemy coz just dont flatter yourself kay, i am my own worst enemy. why this sudden reference to this Muslimah? well, just now after exam i was really scared and feeling like a mountain is sitting above me. suddenly, out of the blue our faces met and we looked into each other's eyes. and i am like: YA ALLAH IS THIS MY FUTURE LOOKING BACK AT ME? yeah baby, this is what will happen to you if your result is bad.
Sheeesh, i'm a monster.
I wanted to breath fire. and you just happen to be right in front of me.
I plead insanity.
btw, please read my disclaimer if you dont like what you read. lol.
Note: I checked my draft today (28/2/2010) and found this entry. when i wrote it (17/4/2009) i decided not to publish it because its not nice and i dont want any bad karma come haunting me on my exam results. however, i have finished all my exams. i have technically graduated. plus, that certain someone have no chance to revel on my downfall since i didnt fall. and the reason why i want to publish it now is because i disagree at how people can go on labeling people another while pretending that they are holier. Maybe i dont take criticisms positively. maybe....
There are some people that i know that i believe are holier than me. and i dont resent it. in fact, i admired them. i have no problem against people that are holy or whatever.
I have a problem against people who are not aware that they might be beneath me.
Perhaps i am saying things harshly. However, i have always behave rightly in my social life. I acted according to my principles. some people may say that i am blunt, brutally honest, brutal, scary, intimidating and etc etc. But not one of it involves me taking anything from anybody. I always believe in placing things in its rightful place. what i take is what i interpreted as mine to take.
and i was never jealous of other people about what i dont have. because its not mine to jealous about.
In short i dont understand why people acted dramatically towards me. whereas i hated drama the most. i live my life to avoid drama. Only Allah knows how tired i am of the drama of my life.
I seem to be repeating myself here, but when i disagree with something i say pointedly about what i disagree about but when nothing change i walk away. simple. no drama.
but haha, i dont think i am as bad as that.
so what i'm thinking is i might be nearly on the same level as her when i do repeat a paper. heck, how can an amanah person and good muslimah repeats three subjects? here's what i want to propose. if i do repeat subject next semester i'm gonna believe you that i am as stupid as you. trust me, i am really degrading myself here. I really do not hate you. I just hate your stupidity and am allergic to it. haish, how can i be so sharp. but in return, i am allowing you to revel on my downfall should i really fall next semester. btw, i have a nickname for you: MUSLIMAH. thats a good name lah.
may u REALLY WILL turn out as a MUSLIMAH. (amin). like they said, love your enemy (though u arent) and they'll hate you for it.
i repeat, u're not my enemy coz just dont flatter yourself kay, i am my own worst enemy. why this sudden reference to this Muslimah? well, just now after exam i was really scared and feeling like a mountain is sitting above me. suddenly, out of the blue our faces met and we looked into each other's eyes. and i am like: YA ALLAH IS THIS MY FUTURE LOOKING BACK AT ME? yeah baby, this is what will happen to you if your result is bad.
Sheeesh, i'm a monster.
I wanted to breath fire. and you just happen to be right in front of me.
I plead insanity.
btw, please read my disclaimer if you dont like what you read. lol.
Note: I checked my draft today (28/2/2010) and found this entry. when i wrote it (17/4/2009) i decided not to publish it because its not nice and i dont want any bad karma come haunting me on my exam results. however, i have finished all my exams. i have technically graduated. plus, that certain someone have no chance to revel on my downfall since i didnt fall. and the reason why i want to publish it now is because i disagree at how people can go on labeling people another while pretending that they are holier. Maybe i dont take criticisms positively. maybe....
There are some people that i know that i believe are holier than me. and i dont resent it. in fact, i admired them. i have no problem against people that are holy or whatever.
I have a problem against people who are not aware that they might be beneath me.
Perhaps i am saying things harshly. However, i have always behave rightly in my social life. I acted according to my principles. some people may say that i am blunt, brutally honest, brutal, scary, intimidating and etc etc. But not one of it involves me taking anything from anybody. I always believe in placing things in its rightful place. what i take is what i interpreted as mine to take.
and i was never jealous of other people about what i dont have. because its not mine to jealous about.
In short i dont understand why people acted dramatically towards me. whereas i hated drama the most. i live my life to avoid drama. Only Allah knows how tired i am of the drama of my life.
I seem to be repeating myself here, but when i disagree with something i say pointedly about what i disagree about but when nothing change i walk away. simple. no drama.
29 March 2009
Anak Abdul Karim
Dah dua kali aku salah sangka dengan anak abdul karim.
it would seem that my pre-judgment cannot be trusted when it comes to Anak Abd Karim. Usually my 'judge the book by its cover' or first impression or intuition works perfectly with anyone. if i like that person on first meeting there's 99.9% chance that that person is likeable by me.
First case:
it was during short semester in matriculation centre. i just took one subject for fun to ease my burden for subjects for my last semester. actually it isnt a burden, i just took it for fun. there was no usual friends during short semester so i was pretty much lone ranger. played the Sims 2 during my free of class hours. it can be said my whole short semester consist of the Sims 2. I used to like to sit in second row from the front. I noticed this one girl with dark aura all over her. hahah. so i thought to myself the first time i saw her 'okay, i want nothing to do with this one...'. from that day onwards, my brain completely shut down around her and thus i successfully ignored her existence. but funnily enough we always sat side by side. one day, yeah one day, she started a conversation with me. i mean, she asked something (forgot la if its about the subject or stationery). i was surprised by the tone of her voice. it was polite and soft. and i thought 'wait, this doesnt suit her dark aura or my first impression'.
after that she is a friend that stick to me until now through my ups and downs and pretty much there most of the time when i was in deep shit. how many years is it now? her name is
NURULFIZAH ABDUL KARIM.... and the rest is history.
Second Case:
This semester i took UNGS2050: Ethics & fiqh for Everyday life. this is the last of my UNGS subject. normally people do not take UNGS subjects during the final year. well, its all because of my dilly dally. furthermore, this is a second year subject. i am a person who is quite inconsistent. i mean, i took methods of da'wah (third year subject) during my first year. funnily enough i end up pretty much lone ranger again in this class. surrounded by juniors. so i pretty much ignored everyone because my first impression on them was 'this people annoys me' and 'they should be ashamed for being a Muslim' it was all because each one of them never help the old and fragile looking lecturer. they can just leave him with his forgetfullness in taking class key or his illiteracy of computer. never offering a hand. well, i was annoyed with the lecturer too, but i will be very sorry if something happens to him if i did not do anything so i'm the one who ended up being a doorwomen and technician pretty much the whole semester. anyway, there was an open book test one day. it covers topics that we havent learned. There was this girl that my brain automatically shut down against but she was always beside me in class. i pretty much didnt notice her existence until the test. somehow, i was kind enough to lend her my advanced notes because i had my laptop and internet with me. i had to pass my notes to her a few times. i was quite annoyed that i even witheld my advanced notes until some time had passed even though i'm not using them. at first, i just gave her the notes that we have learned and i thought that was kind enough of me. so anyway, one day (again), the lecturer announced that he wanted us to do a book review or chapter review and a presentation. i was quite pissed off because the semester is ending and i need to study for finals. on the next class i asked this girl is she had done hers. and told her that i might never do it because i had no time. on the next class, she offered to put my name on her book review that she had done. being a prejudiced towards her, i said i will try to do on my own first and if i couldnt i will contact her for her help but i gave her my details anyway. and she agreed. on the next class, she was about to submit her book review and Alhamdullillah she put my name on it because i have no time to do it. i asked if i can read it before she submit and she agreed (prejudice!!!!) and it was a good one. i complimented her work and asked 'why do you want to help me?' she said, 'because you helped me with my test'.... OMG i mean this is one person who know how to return a favor and i was so prejudiced! AND her work is such a great blessing for me because i REALLY had no time and will to do it. her name was IZZAH ABDUL KARIM. and i was left with a pang of guilt and asked myself 'was this karma? destiny?'.
by the way those two arent related at all and doesnt know each other. but another similarity is: both of them are from Penang. NURULFIZAH ABDUL KARIM = Georgetown. IZZAH ABDUL KARIM = Gelugor.
OMG i just noticed that they are from a town that started with a 'G'
should i freak out or what?!
p/s: but i mostly should freak out that i am writing this post when i should have been studying!
it would seem that my pre-judgment cannot be trusted when it comes to Anak Abd Karim. Usually my 'judge the book by its cover' or first impression or intuition works perfectly with anyone. if i like that person on first meeting there's 99.9% chance that that person is likeable by me.
First case:
it was during short semester in matriculation centre. i just took one subject for fun to ease my burden for subjects for my last semester. actually it isnt a burden, i just took it for fun. there was no usual friends during short semester so i was pretty much lone ranger. played the Sims 2 during my free of class hours. it can be said my whole short semester consist of the Sims 2. I used to like to sit in second row from the front. I noticed this one girl with dark aura all over her. hahah. so i thought to myself the first time i saw her 'okay, i want nothing to do with this one...'. from that day onwards, my brain completely shut down around her and thus i successfully ignored her existence. but funnily enough we always sat side by side. one day, yeah one day, she started a conversation with me. i mean, she asked something (forgot la if its about the subject or stationery). i was surprised by the tone of her voice. it was polite and soft. and i thought 'wait, this doesnt suit her dark aura or my first impression'.
after that she is a friend that stick to me until now through my ups and downs and pretty much there most of the time when i was in deep shit. how many years is it now? her name is
NURULFIZAH ABDUL KARIM.... and the rest is history.
Second Case:
This semester i took UNGS2050: Ethics & fiqh for Everyday life. this is the last of my UNGS subject. normally people do not take UNGS subjects during the final year. well, its all because of my dilly dally. furthermore, this is a second year subject. i am a person who is quite inconsistent. i mean, i took methods of da'wah (third year subject) during my first year. funnily enough i end up pretty much lone ranger again in this class. surrounded by juniors. so i pretty much ignored everyone because my first impression on them was 'this people annoys me' and 'they should be ashamed for being a Muslim' it was all because each one of them never help the old and fragile looking lecturer. they can just leave him with his forgetfullness in taking class key or his illiteracy of computer. never offering a hand. well, i was annoyed with the lecturer too, but i will be very sorry if something happens to him if i did not do anything so i'm the one who ended up being a doorwomen and technician pretty much the whole semester. anyway, there was an open book test one day. it covers topics that we havent learned. There was this girl that my brain automatically shut down against but she was always beside me in class. i pretty much didnt notice her existence until the test. somehow, i was kind enough to lend her my advanced notes because i had my laptop and internet with me. i had to pass my notes to her a few times. i was quite annoyed that i even witheld my advanced notes until some time had passed even though i'm not using them. at first, i just gave her the notes that we have learned and i thought that was kind enough of me. so anyway, one day (again), the lecturer announced that he wanted us to do a book review or chapter review and a presentation. i was quite pissed off because the semester is ending and i need to study for finals. on the next class i asked this girl is she had done hers. and told her that i might never do it because i had no time. on the next class, she offered to put my name on her book review that she had done. being a prejudiced towards her, i said i will try to do on my own first and if i couldnt i will contact her for her help but i gave her my details anyway. and she agreed. on the next class, she was about to submit her book review and Alhamdullillah she put my name on it because i have no time to do it. i asked if i can read it before she submit and she agreed (prejudice!!!!) and it was a good one. i complimented her work and asked 'why do you want to help me?' she said, 'because you helped me with my test'.... OMG i mean this is one person who know how to return a favor and i was so prejudiced! AND her work is such a great blessing for me because i REALLY had no time and will to do it. her name was IZZAH ABDUL KARIM. and i was left with a pang of guilt and asked myself 'was this karma? destiny?'.
by the way those two arent related at all and doesnt know each other. but another similarity is: both of them are from Penang. NURULFIZAH ABDUL KARIM = Georgetown. IZZAH ABDUL KARIM = Gelugor.
OMG i just noticed that they are from a town that started with a 'G'
should i freak out or what?!
p/s: but i mostly should freak out that i am writing this post when i should have been studying!
24 February 2009
Flowers in the air
Esok aku ada dua tests yg mesti dijawab. tetapi seblom aku memecahkan otak untuk belajar atau cuba untuk belajar aku nak tulis pasal topik yg sedap dibaca. well, at least to me it is.
Kalau nak disamakan Malaysia dengan negara empat musim sekarang ni bolehlah dikatakan kita sedang berada dalam musim bunga. dalam bahasa mat salleh: SPRING season.
ini antara masa-masa yg aku suka berjalan-jalan di luar/outdoor sambil bermonolog sendirian. haha. kalaulah aku ada kamera DSLR, mmg best aku nak tangkap gambar pemandangan.
Pokok-pokok di dalam UIA sedang rancak berbunga. dekat kawasan gombak ni, pokok yg paling popular adalah pokok Tekoma. pokok ni berbunga time cuaca yang macam sekarang ni jek: panas dan lembab... a la sauna. aku lebih suka cuaca mcm ni dari cuaca 3-5 hari lepas yg panas terik a la kemarau. bile berbunga tu nampak macam pokok sakura pun ade. pokok tekoma ni ada warna pink/purple and putih. Kalau kat AIKOL plak pokok bunga kertas @ bougainvillea lebat mengeluarkan bunga-bungaan. lagi satu pokok yang banyak ditanam di dalam UIA adalah pokok kemboja. wujud di dalam perlbagai warna antaranya merah-pink and putih-kuning. pokok ni agak kontroversi kerana baunya yang wangi sering dikaitkan dengan hantu langsuir. pokok ni banyak terdapat di kawasan perkuburan (sound effect: lagu seram). tapi kalau sedang berbunga tidak kira siang atau malam memang ler wangi. aku suka je kat pokok ni. tapi aku takkan tanam kat rumah. bkan sebab takut tapi sebab malas org kata rumah aku kawasan kubur. tapi aku ade je tanam pokok melur @ jasmine yg berbunga lebat dan wangi kat depan rumah. ini pun pokok di kubur jugak tapi stigma takdela macam pokok kemboja.
pastu pokok yang takde bunga seperti pokok buah dan pokok semata-mata pun sedang rancak mengeluarkan daun-daun baru yang masih hijau muda warnanye. sahlah sekarang spring season. bumi Malaysia sedang berwarna-warni tapi hati aku tak seberapa. haha.
which brings me to another issue:
While I am so busy nursing my feelings which includes my frustration I had a physical jolt of reality that life is larger than just how bad people are towards you. I mean, that is bad enough but what if you suddenly lose your arms, legs or life even. Yesterday, the car that we and friends were in met with an accident and while the car was crashing the front car, for a flicker of moments all thoughts fly out of me and all I think about is my dear life. which after that brought me to realization like this:
haha. hows that for my theory of life?
maybe i was subdued. Nevertheless, its not like I am not this type of person. I am always the type who sees the larger picture. but whatever i was complaining here is because sometimes even positive people can be in despair.
Like what i wrote above. I always enjoy simplest things like nature and appreciate the beauty of life even when I am in the mud. plus, I am quick to get out of my own misery. Well, I am currently still in misery..perhaps will always be for next 9 months. However, even miserable people can take a break. Which is what I am doing now - taking a break from my misery.
aha, very philosophical. i like. haha. (wink at geraldine).
ini antara masa-masa yg aku suka berjalan-jalan di luar/outdoor sambil bermonolog sendirian. haha. kalaulah aku ada kamera DSLR, mmg best aku nak tangkap gambar pemandangan.
Pokok-pokok di dalam UIA sedang rancak berbunga. dekat kawasan gombak ni, pokok yg paling popular adalah pokok Tekoma. pokok ni berbunga time cuaca yang macam sekarang ni jek: panas dan lembab... a la sauna. aku lebih suka cuaca mcm ni dari cuaca 3-5 hari lepas yg panas terik a la kemarau. bile berbunga tu nampak macam pokok sakura pun ade. pokok tekoma ni ada warna pink/purple and putih. Kalau kat AIKOL plak pokok bunga kertas @ bougainvillea lebat mengeluarkan bunga-bungaan. lagi satu pokok yang banyak ditanam di dalam UIA adalah pokok kemboja. wujud di dalam perlbagai warna antaranya merah-pink and putih-kuning. pokok ni agak kontroversi kerana baunya yang wangi sering dikaitkan dengan hantu langsuir. pokok ni banyak terdapat di kawasan perkuburan (sound effect: lagu seram). tapi kalau sedang berbunga tidak kira siang atau malam memang ler wangi. aku suka je kat pokok ni. tapi aku takkan tanam kat rumah. bkan sebab takut tapi sebab malas org kata rumah aku kawasan kubur. tapi aku ade je tanam pokok melur @ jasmine yg berbunga lebat dan wangi kat depan rumah. ini pun pokok di kubur jugak tapi stigma takdela macam pokok kemboja.
pastu pokok yang takde bunga seperti pokok buah dan pokok semata-mata pun sedang rancak mengeluarkan daun-daun baru yang masih hijau muda warnanye. sahlah sekarang spring season. bumi Malaysia sedang berwarna-warni tapi hati aku tak seberapa. haha.
which brings me to another issue:
While I am so busy nursing my feelings which includes my frustration I had a physical jolt of reality that life is larger than just how bad people are towards you. I mean, that is bad enough but what if you suddenly lose your arms, legs or life even. Yesterday, the car that we and friends were in met with an accident and while the car was crashing the front car, for a flicker of moments all thoughts fly out of me and all I think about is my dear life. which after that brought me to realization like this:
haha. hows that for my theory of life?maybe i was subdued. Nevertheless, its not like I am not this type of person. I am always the type who sees the larger picture. but whatever i was complaining here is because sometimes even positive people can be in despair.
Like what i wrote above. I always enjoy simplest things like nature and appreciate the beauty of life even when I am in the mud. plus, I am quick to get out of my own misery. Well, I am currently still in misery..perhaps will always be for next 9 months. However, even miserable people can take a break. Which is what I am doing now - taking a break from my misery.
aha, very philosophical. i like. haha. (wink at geraldine).
07 February 2009
Reflection
My blog is called Rhapsody. So, It is not necessary to write about anything that i dont think or feel about very deeply. I personally think that to write every single thing that happen in our life is useless. Its how we react to whats happening that is really important. sometimes my reaction is just like everybody else's. so its not necessary to record.
Whenever i posted something, i usually want them to be known. I didnt write to show how clever i am, let alone to show how less clever i am. I write in the hope to give benefit. If i write on bad things, i hope that people can avoid it.
These few weeks, I had been very neutral with my life. meaning, life is as ordinary as it can be. because of that, i had a chance to observe others. so this is what i think:
1) Some people can really score in their examinations but it doesnt mean that they are really clever or smart. Cleverness is an original characteristic. Cleverness is not measured by examination results. As for me, I know someone is clever just by observing them and not by looking at their result transcript. These adjectives refer to mental adroitness or to practical ingenuity and skill. What i am trying to convey is that, whenever i look at people who is known to score a lot in their exams I dont always regard them as clever. Good results may only mean that you took a lot of pains in studying, or you are hardworking etc. but it doesnt necessarily mean that you are clever.
Allow me to illustrate:
#1: A who are in her 20s scores in her LLB examinations and masters English language as her second language. But A thinks she lives in Gossip Girl. A = not very clever.
(seriously man, other people's life is as much important as yours#2: A who are in her 20s scores in her LLB examinations and masters English language as her second language. But A thinks that life revolve around her. A = not very clever.. get a grip)
#3: A who are in her 20s scores in her LLB examinations and masters English language as her second language. But A thinks she is perfect. A = not very clever.
well i think thats enough. i think #1 quite explains it all. How come English is one of the criteria? Its because people always had a misconception that all English speakers in Malaysia is actually clever.
I dont mind befriending people who are not clever. I just cant quite handle striking immaturity at the age where a person should have done better than what they did.
I think good manners is always one of the sign of cleverness. Recently, one of my best friend was interrupted from having a lunch because somebody just decided to confront her at that very moment. I dont mind if someone died or it is about any misfortune where the matter is urgent. It took half of our lunch time and I was companionless for my lunch. I thought the matter must be serious. But later I found out, it is very mundane issue. it can wait until after lunch. in fact in can never been mentioned at all. I was annoyed. Why should i be affected on this mundane issue and lose my lunch company? I think it is rude and stupid. I just lose my respect to the people concerned. Not that my respect is important to them. which is what i explained above is basically all about. now that i've said it, that is all there is to it.
2) Nowadays guys (meaning a male who are not yet men) can demand. Meaning, they can play around with girls and waste the girls time on them and then they decided to wait for better offers. waiting for better offers is in itself very clever and right thing to do. however, what i want to know is how worthy are you for that better offer? Of course, better offers will come. but that better offers will just have to be satisfied with you. how sad.
What I am saying is, If you want to own a Mitsubishi Lancer, you must work very hard to buy it. then you are the rightful owner. because you wont be able to drive it if you dont pay for it. How can you own a Mitsubishi Lancer if you dont have the MEANS to own it? Of course, you can make loan etc. but if you made a debt you cant pay mitsubishi lancer will leave you.
Perhaps, Proton is the best for you. it still takes you wherever you want to go. but you just dont appreciate it. you decided to wait for mitsubishi lancer and abandon proton. or worse still, you modified proton to LOOK LIKE mitsubishi lancer. at that point it is just plain pathetic. and then you wait and wait for the real mitsubishi lancer but it will never come. you became delusioned and you end up with a proton that look like mitsubishi lancer because you thought that is the real mitsubishi lancer but only when you cant afford to buy another car anymore did you realized that what you own is actually neither proton or mitsubishi lancer.
moral of the story = live according to your means.
Whenever i posted something, i usually want them to be known. I didnt write to show how clever i am, let alone to show how less clever i am. I write in the hope to give benefit. If i write on bad things, i hope that people can avoid it.
These few weeks, I had been very neutral with my life. meaning, life is as ordinary as it can be. because of that, i had a chance to observe others. so this is what i think:
1) Some people can really score in their examinations but it doesnt mean that they are really clever or smart. Cleverness is an original characteristic. Cleverness is not measured by examination results. As for me, I know someone is clever just by observing them and not by looking at their result transcript. These adjectives refer to mental adroitness or to practical ingenuity and skill. What i am trying to convey is that, whenever i look at people who is known to score a lot in their exams I dont always regard them as clever. Good results may only mean that you took a lot of pains in studying, or you are hardworking etc. but it doesnt necessarily mean that you are clever.
Allow me to illustrate:
#1: A who are in her 20s scores in her LLB examinations and masters English language as her second language. But A thinks she lives in Gossip Girl. A = not very clever.
(seriously man, other people's life is as much important as yours#2: A who are in her 20s scores in her LLB examinations and masters English language as her second language. But A thinks that life revolve around her. A = not very clever.. get a grip)
#3: A who are in her 20s scores in her LLB examinations and masters English language as her second language. But A thinks she is perfect. A = not very clever.
well i think thats enough. i think #1 quite explains it all. How come English is one of the criteria? Its because people always had a misconception that all English speakers in Malaysia is actually clever.
I dont mind befriending people who are not clever. I just cant quite handle striking immaturity at the age where a person should have done better than what they did.
I think good manners is always one of the sign of cleverness. Recently, one of my best friend was interrupted from having a lunch because somebody just decided to confront her at that very moment. I dont mind if someone died or it is about any misfortune where the matter is urgent. It took half of our lunch time and I was companionless for my lunch. I thought the matter must be serious. But later I found out, it is very mundane issue. it can wait until after lunch. in fact in can never been mentioned at all. I was annoyed. Why should i be affected on this mundane issue and lose my lunch company? I think it is rude and stupid. I just lose my respect to the people concerned. Not that my respect is important to them. which is what i explained above is basically all about. now that i've said it, that is all there is to it.
2) Nowadays guys (meaning a male who are not yet men) can demand. Meaning, they can play around with girls and waste the girls time on them and then they decided to wait for better offers. waiting for better offers is in itself very clever and right thing to do. however, what i want to know is how worthy are you for that better offer? Of course, better offers will come. but that better offers will just have to be satisfied with you. how sad.
What I am saying is, If you want to own a Mitsubishi Lancer, you must work very hard to buy it. then you are the rightful owner. because you wont be able to drive it if you dont pay for it. How can you own a Mitsubishi Lancer if you dont have the MEANS to own it? Of course, you can make loan etc. but if you made a debt you cant pay mitsubishi lancer will leave you.
Perhaps, Proton is the best for you. it still takes you wherever you want to go. but you just dont appreciate it. you decided to wait for mitsubishi lancer and abandon proton. or worse still, you modified proton to LOOK LIKE mitsubishi lancer. at that point it is just plain pathetic. and then you wait and wait for the real mitsubishi lancer but it will never come. you became delusioned and you end up with a proton that look like mitsubishi lancer because you thought that is the real mitsubishi lancer but only when you cant afford to buy another car anymore did you realized that what you own is actually neither proton or mitsubishi lancer.
moral of the story = live according to your means.
01 February 2009
26 January 2009
Writer's Block
update:
couldnt write a lot of things thats happening due to overwhelming pressure.
exam syndrome is attacking despite no exams. could it be a late attack for last year's exam?
need a BF for support system. feel like couldnt hold it together for long.
couldnt write a lot of things thats happening due to overwhelming pressure.
exam syndrome is attacking despite no exams. could it be a late attack for last year's exam?
need a BF for support system. feel like couldnt hold it together for long.
26 September 2008
Goodbye Room
Hmmmm, Raya is around da corner and i am going back to my parent's place this afternoon (cuz now is 2.32 in the morning). I just finished watching a really cute movie. forgot the title already. Anyway, here i am feeling quite blue that i am gonna leave my sanctuary for many many days. urgh it seems like i'll be gone so long. the thing is I LOVEEEEE MY ROOM. cant help it. this is where i really function. this is the only place where i can sleep. no where, not even in a five star hotel room can be the same like my own bed. well it doesnt matter that we change room every year. the point is i have my own space. the whole idea made me comfortable, relax, at peace. anyho, i am so gonna miss my bed for this few days to come. i am so not gonna tido mati anywhere else. haha. so just now, to show how deeply i felt for my bed, i took its picture so that i am not gonna miss it so much. hey, i am not a freak, who ask u to read it here? this place is called RHAPSODY for heaven's sake. i also took my desk pic cuz i basically spend my time in the room either on the bed but mostly in front of the laptop and do my things. i even read lecture notes on laptop and even do all my tutorials on it. hey i think its a good way to save ink and paper. i just dont get it why people stereotyped that when you do anything on computer that means its a lot of work. basically they're just noob. well my desk kinda have a lot of stuff going on there. oh well thats how i most like it so its just gonna stay that way. most of the times i cant even write on it. not that i ever have to write on it. lol. my pillows dont have their pillowcases since i put it in washing machine last night. oh thats another story, people were lining just to get to that machine OMG. but i manage to do it two rounds. hahah. of course, we dont wanna bring our dirty laundry to go to hometown. its dirty.
whats new? oh well i send Raya Cards to (almost) all of my lecturers even the ones whom i didnt think like me very much. there was two lecturers that i didnt get the opportunity to convey the cards. i like both of them. the cards are with me. i just thought its a once a year opportunity and why not i just grab it to seek forgiveness in the easiest way since i am not that apologetic person. one of my fav lecturer thanked those who send him cards but he didnt actually said cards so it might as well be me. ahaks. i did gave a few people cards as well but i mostly targeted lecturers coz i need all the blessings i can get for my final since this semester i was more lost than previous semesters. plus, i did think i misbehaved too much. a few times i let my opinions slipped out of my mouth. i have gotten myself too comfortable when i should've kept my guard. i did sincerely seek forgiveness from my friends too and i really meant it. there are a few people that i cant seem to gather enough strength and desire to apologize. mainly thats because i didnt feel too guilty. but despite that, i do feel really bad coz i know what i am missing. but i just cant. just cant. but if i die today or tomorrow please do forgive me, i just cant help myself.
20 September 2008
Insomnia
I didnt sleep last night. Yesterday i had a land law test at 3pm-4pm. then i went to bukit bintang to check out one of many warehouse sales. came back to gombak before buka puasa. had a buka puasa with Liza in my fav kedai makan. its a fav because for rm25 (total 2 persons) we get to eat nasi and various lauk plus drink and manage to get our stomach full. then went back to my room, clean up, pray, went to basic counseling class at 9.30pm. by 1200am today i am back in my room and decided to have a movie marathon. i dont quite remember what exactly i had watched cuz i definitely arent quite myself now. but i remember watching 'chocolat' while eating cadbury assorted chocolates that tasted like heaven. that was some movie 'chocolat'. 3 out of 5 from me. then i watched transformers! owh dat movie tuned me into my element. i was mesmerized.... 5 out of 5. brought back my childhood. i remember when we were kid, me and my bro will use our swords and fight each other around my grandfolk's house and me shouting 'TRANSFORMERS'! after that for all i know its 4.50ish am. and its sahur time.
and now here i am waiting for subuh. i plan to sleep after subuh to my heart's content.
forgive me of my movie marathon etc....its just i got rebellious after land law test cuz i slept like at 3am day before yesterday, woke up at 5, sleep...woke up at 9 and then study till 1pm...then get ready for land test and went for the test. so there...we got a full cycle! ahaks
and now here i am waiting for subuh. i plan to sleep after subuh to my heart's content.
forgive me of my movie marathon etc....its just i got rebellious after land law test cuz i slept like at 3am day before yesterday, woke up at 5, sleep...woke up at 9 and then study till 1pm...then get ready for land test and went for the test. so there...we got a full cycle! ahaks
16 September 2008
Reverie
What is ze purpose of life? is it to snatch away power? to reduce fuel price? to gain supporters?
I am really not a fan of politics. But today, i am perplexed. perhaps disgusted with whats happening around here.
I bookmarked one of famous online blog on politics that supports the other side of the fence. I couldnt make sense of what they are talking about. Its too ridiculous. Let alone reading the comments of their posts. Too emotional. Too vulnerable. Too shallow. Too Racist.
Not that i think there's a better deal on this side of the fence either.
so what am i? people who stand on the fence?
No, i didnt think i am just because i didnt support either side. truth is, i am not convinced.
I care about my country. I dont care dying while defending my country. I want my country to always be in peace. to be safe. to move forward. I want to contribute for my country. but not by following anyone.
perhaps, by just being myself. I dont create trouble, issues, just use our time to build ourselves. a nation with peaceful people, educated, happy.
but of course this would be impossible if there still exist people who create issues. so people like me have to react to that. like for example, writing a blog on it. lol.
All am saying, its not that we have to act like dumb and let nature took its course. of course, me myself always stood up for any injustice, always seeking greener pasture. but wouldnt be best if we dont appear so.....so....stupid? outrageous? extravagantly dramatic? (wishful thinking).
i have little respect for people who dont walk the talk. if you dont walk, dont talk. Its better if u dont talk and make people like me worried and disturbed. know am sayin?
someone i know once said 'its better to stay quiet and appear bright when u are actually not, than start talking and let people know that u are dumb'
and a game i once played said 'light travel faster than light, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them talk'.
hmm.....
what im tryna say? ahah....i also dunno exactly. i am not politician whos so smooth with words.
I am really not a fan of politics. But today, i am perplexed. perhaps disgusted with whats happening around here.
I bookmarked one of famous online blog on politics that supports the other side of the fence. I couldnt make sense of what they are talking about. Its too ridiculous. Let alone reading the comments of their posts. Too emotional. Too vulnerable. Too shallow. Too Racist.
Not that i think there's a better deal on this side of the fence either.
so what am i? people who stand on the fence?
No, i didnt think i am just because i didnt support either side. truth is, i am not convinced.
I care about my country. I dont care dying while defending my country. I want my country to always be in peace. to be safe. to move forward. I want to contribute for my country. but not by following anyone.
perhaps, by just being myself. I dont create trouble, issues, just use our time to build ourselves. a nation with peaceful people, educated, happy.
but of course this would be impossible if there still exist people who create issues. so people like me have to react to that. like for example, writing a blog on it. lol.
All am saying, its not that we have to act like dumb and let nature took its course. of course, me myself always stood up for any injustice, always seeking greener pasture. but wouldnt be best if we dont appear so.....so....stupid? outrageous? extravagantly dramatic? (wishful thinking).
i have little respect for people who dont walk the talk. if you dont walk, dont talk. Its better if u dont talk and make people like me worried and disturbed. know am sayin?
someone i know once said 'its better to stay quiet and appear bright when u are actually not, than start talking and let people know that u are dumb'
and a game i once played said 'light travel faster than light, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them talk'.
hmm.....
what im tryna say? ahah....i also dunno exactly. i am not politician whos so smooth with words.
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