Muslimah

those two last papers was really tough. I wont be surprised if for the first time I'm going to retake a subject. talking about being a repeaters, i have this ex-friend who repeats papers. Recently, she called me a bad muslimah and not amanah. well, i kinda dont get her definition of good muslimah or amanah. because my informers told me she skipped classes and tutorials, didnt do her course works, even had the gut to tell my friend to lie to a lecturer because she have not finished her work. that aside, how can a good muslimah and an amanah calls another person as not? Sure, i am defective in every ways.
but haha, i dont think i am as bad as that.
so what i'm thinking is i might be nearly on the same level as her when i do repeat a paper. heck, how can an amanah person and good muslimah repeats three subjects? here's what i want to propose. if i do repeat subject next semester i'm gonna believe you that i am as stupid as you. trust me, i am really degrading myself here. I really do not hate you. I just hate your stupidity and am allergic to it. haish, how can i be so sharp. but in return, i am allowing you to revel on my downfall should i really fall next semester. btw, i have a nickname for you: MUSLIMAH. thats a good name lah.
may u REALLY WILL turn out as a MUSLIMAH. (amin). like they said, love your enemy (though u arent) and they'll hate you for it.
i repeat, u're not my enemy coz just dont flatter yourself kay, i am my own worst enemy. why this sudden reference to this Muslimah? well, just now after exam i was really scared and feeling like a mountain is sitting above me. suddenly, out of the blue our faces met and we looked into each other's eyes. and i am like: YA ALLAH IS THIS MY FUTURE LOOKING BACK AT ME? yeah baby, this is what will happen to you if your result is bad.
Sheeesh, i'm a monster.
I wanted to breath fire. and you just happen to be right in front of me.
I plead insanity.
btw, please read my disclaimer if you dont like what you read. lol.

Note: I checked my draft today (28/2/2010) and found this entry. when i wrote it (17/4/2009) i decided not to publish it because its not nice and i dont want any bad karma come haunting me on my exam results. however, i have finished all my exams. i have technically graduated. plus, that certain someone have no chance to revel on my downfall since i didnt fall. and the reason why i want to publish it now is because i disagree at how people can go on labeling people another while pretending that they are holier. Maybe i dont take criticisms positively. maybe....
There are some people that i know that i believe are holier than me. and i dont resent it. in fact, i admired them. i have no problem against people that are holy or whatever.
I have a problem against people who are not aware that they might be beneath me.
Perhaps i am saying things harshly. However, i have always behave rightly in my social life. I acted according to my principles. some people may say that i am blunt, brutally honest, brutal, scary, intimidating and etc etc. But not one of it involves me taking anything from anybody. I always believe in placing things in its rightful place. what i take is what i interpreted as mine to take.
and i was never jealous of other people about what i dont have. because its not mine to jealous about.
In short i dont understand why people acted dramatically towards me. whereas i hated drama the most. i live my life to avoid drama. Only Allah knows how tired i am of the drama of my life.
I seem to be repeating myself here, but when i disagree with something i say pointedly about what i disagree about but when nothing change i walk away. simple. no drama.