Singing Heart

Ya Allah (Oh My God) it's been ages! I had even begin to think that I will never write again. Alas, today I am feeling like doing it. So whats up? with me, with you? As for me, I'm spending half the day listening to music (I'm supposed to familiarize myself with all Soil Investigation terms for upcoming case but what the heck). Actually the whole purpose of this post to list down my favorite music of the day. But since I have not been writing in ages I feel obligated to throw in some updates too.

I founded a Facebook secret group called A Priori to help out young people with LLB degrees get together and help each other. I am too amazed to even describe how I feel now when we had 215 members! Of course, it really helped when a lot of people also were of the opinion that such group is needed at all. I am also not stingy with appointing administrators. Some thing needed change I know but I didn't hear much feedback regarding how I handled the group so I didn't have much choice but to exercise my veto power most of the times. huhu.

Still single yeah, but I've got used to it. I read Rhonda Byrne's The Power (mostly first sentence of each paragraph. lol. not really a fan of self help books) where she said that if I'm really that desperate to have someone in my life (okay, I'm just paraphrasing in a way where it's applicable to me here) I should treat my home as if I've got someone already i.e do everything for two persons and most importantly sleep on one side of the bed only (that I definitely can't do! oh well, unless absolutely necessary). So come to think of it, do I have to divide my bookshelves to two? divide my K-dorama and Anime time to two i.e not watching the whole series in one whole day when I feel like it? share my time? share my game time? share my fb time? share my sleep time? have a fixed time to eat? Oh okay, it's not really I'm shuddering at the thoughts of all that (almost!) but if I think about it, I don't know, the problem might be just me and if that's true, I can live with that (hell yeah, someone please save me).

Which bring us to the topic of my home. I looooooooove living alone because I looooooove my home! (I think I can afford to spell 'love' like that just because I have never done it). In fact, I have not gone out of my home since Friday night (kinda worried about my car though). Anyway, to illustrate how much I love my home, I might even transfer to Bangi just because I can't stand staying at my home only on weekends and stay in my rented room during weekdays. I think I am entitled to put an end to it because I've lived like that for a year already (this arrangement may have contributed to my homesickness). Of course, I have this gnawing feeling that I might be risking my whole career for it but to think on the bright side, I am still doing the same thing and whether I made it or not is up to me wherever I may be working. I spent a year to come to a conclusion that I can do it wherever I want. If I made it, I made it. Okay let me be frank, I don't ever want to go for big firm because I've already had what I wanted in life. I've told about three other human beings that my ambition is to one day snuggle on a red sofa in an apartment reading books. I've had that. Who cares if the apartment is in a some sort of ghetto and the sofa is black (and that I don't own the apartment). We can work that out later. I don't have to go to big firm to iron that out. Lazy? well define hardworking please? why you work hard then? what's your biggest aim in life then? Point is, I've got what I wanted (as always. Thank you Allah), now I'll focus on getting that big bookshelves in my dream (and work out on the sleeping on one side of my queen size bed or I'll just buy a King and I'll definitely just sleep on one side of it. haha). And so, it's pertinent for me not to abandon my home again. Should I one day lose the home, I'll think of another solution. The good thing of being a (young) lawyer is, you never ran out of choice.

So that's it!! Now here is my song of the day (I hope you really take the time to listen to all of it coz I'm that proud of my achievement of compiling it especially no.6 because although I have no freaking idea what's it's all about but the way the language sound OMG so sexay and the music video quite gothic Okay I just really checked the video and found it not suitable for viewing. so sorry. [(sheepish grin) no wonder its sounded sexay..pffft]:

1) David Guetta ft. Usher - Without You

2) Swedish House Mafia - Save the World

3) Blink 182 - After Midnight

4) T-Pain - 5 O'Clock ft. Wiz Khalifa, Lily Allen

5) Lighters  - Bad Meets Evil ft. Bruno Mars

6) Avec Laura De "Sarancha"

(Video removed due to parental control)

7) Foster the People - Pumped Up Kicks

I couldn't keep up

There is many layers to my goal in life. I thought that I am in the right path. that I am advancing towards that. Sometimes it feels like I will achieve my ultimate goal and sometimes I feel so far away. But I feel very far away, more than I have ever felt before now. I don't think anybody, not a single person know for sure what is my ultimate goal in life. Perhaps one can guess. Many have no idea.

I am thankful to Allah that I am a Muslim. Otherwise, I will not be able to shake off the thought that life is so unfair to me. It still linger though. It stays afloat all the time in times like now. I would like to deny being jealous but I think it is unfair that people with less effort can earn RM800.00  more than me. Made me feel so unappreciated. Made me wonder why do I bother to work so hard. I can accept that in life you either had name or you had talent. But what should I do if people with no name and no talent simply get it? Made me wonder if I am actually stupid and that is why I have less. But even with this thoughts there is still this other thoughts that keep on nagging to me that if somebody were to read this and give me a slap I would suddenly wake up and accept that I am very fortunate and of course, cleverer and that I am just being stupid. That whatever i was thinking is actually stupid and people like me are actually clever. I will then learn to accept again this theory that people who are not that clever like people like me is probably having it easy now but not later. That I will have the last laugh. I am not in a race with anybody. I am just having a conflict with notion and reality, not in that order. Which is why I said that I am thankful that I am a Muslim. Things like this is too complicated for me to discuss with people who need to know. Like people who are related to you but they can't imagine what you do and began comparing you with lesser people (you get annoyed so you call the person you are being compared with as the lesser people) who are more fortunate. I thought I am above all that but just by trying to stay afloat day to day and then I get to see how easy other people had it then had other people pointed out the obvious to me, it kinda irritate me. I am also irritated because it stand against my confidence that I have through unbelievable feat had achieved this stage where I am now but there exist this other being that through no feat at all had achieved more than me. I am trying very hard to accept that achievement is not measured by monetary value alone but what can you do when that is what you need the most now and seeing what I do is big enough why can't it goes hand in hand?

Today at work

Long Call is best summed up as this

Selamat HAri Raya AidilAdha

Happy Eid people. I am so excited to eat to my heart's content at my parent's tomorrow. I have no idea whats on the menu but I am sure I will like it nonetheless. My guess is the food will be ordered from our usual Cik Ida. I was told that for this year the gathering place is at my parent's for all my mother's sibling and their family.
For the umpten time I will have to forget my cholesterol reducing mission.
I have no plan to make a new Baju Kurung for AidilAdha but last time I was in Intrade I met Shahida and Shams from Pakistan and I bought one set of fabric from them. The fabric is supposedly meant for a kind of Pakistani suit but I bought it with the sole intention of making it into Baju Kurung. I don't know the real price if it was bought from Malaysian people but I bought it for RM50 and I am sure it should be at least triple than that here. However, I am happy with the price that I paid as I know the cost of sending it to tailor will be high. I have send it last Saturday and I am told I wont be able to wear it for Eid which I dont mind but shall wear it to the nearest wedding that I am going to attend.
I thought of going back to parent's tonight but then I changed my mind as I want to peacefully read (gnaw?) into my latest haul from the Big Bad Wolf Warehouse Sale. I bought a complete set of Inkheart by Cornelia Funke for a mere RM24 and a biography of Omar Khayyam for RM10. I am quite sad because I had to restrain my desire to buy the whole warehouse since I already spent so much at Intrade particularly from Shahida and Shams where apart from the fabric I also bought two Himalayan Salt Lamps shipped directly from Pakistan for a total of RM27. Shams told me I haggle too much but Shahida always gave me a very special price. She told me that the lamps are expensive in this country. I believe her but I wont buy it if it wasn't because of her price anyway. I went to my parent's afterwards and checked with my mother for her Himalayan Salt Lamp that she had bought a few years back and it was RM100. Anyway, I am so proud of my smart shopaholic habit (i.e buying things I dont need INSANELY CHEAP).
Anyway, take it from me people, until you earn above RM2.5k salary please get all your things from warehouse sale. Sometimes I am quite sad that I had to resort to only warehouses to buy all my things from make-ups to accessories and books but after a while I realized that at every opportunity you can get you should get the best worth for your money. Ok, maybe for things that had expiry date you should get it new but for all other things that dont have expiry date we should get it at warehouse sale or expo. And do that until you know that you can afford to just throw your money away.
Enough about shopping. I just would love to record here that I have filed my papers on 12 November 2010. I am now waiting for my Long Call Date. Unfortunately, I can't know my date because its to be confirmed based on Judges' availability. At this point, I no longer care when is my date since I had tried all possible means to get it within this year and if it still didn't work then so be it. Although, I do feel like I am losing money here because the earlier I can be a lawyer it goes without saying the earlier the increase of monthly salary.
Anyway, I am so GLAD that in the end I had see it through that I finished my chambering (assuming my Long Call successful la, but who doesn't?). Oh after ALL the people that I had met and all attitudes that I went through. phewwwww~
And it is something to be proud of.
Completed LLB, completed Chambering. I never dream any of these back when I was in school. I was so playful and couldn't care less about my results (still are) but I made it. Luck. What do they say about luck? opportunities. I guess I just happened to be there when opportunity came by.
haha. HAPPY!

November

My pupillage will end in 11 days. I filed my petition on 11 February. My last day is on 11/11/10. Love the date.
Anyway, I went through a lot. My life course changed dramatically. Quite far than what I have planned for myself.
Before, I thought I just want to end my chambering. Then just join public service. Like I said before, I had some jobs that I can push myself into. I already had a home for myself. If I joined I can pay for my mother's house and stay there.
Even if I don't join I can still find a job in my area and still live in that house.
But.
The firm offered me. At first I refused. Right after that I send out my resumes to 42 firms around my area. Although I stated my availability for December some firms did called anyway and asked me to come for an interview. I thought that would be my life for a while. Then unexpectedly the big boss feigned ignorance and offered me the second time. Much as my friend wanted to believe that the last time i was being misunderstood, I know I wasn't misunderstood.
But it was a second chance anyway.
After going to a few interviews, I know this would be the best firm for me for the time being. I hate going to big firms. I never want to go to big firms. If I am going to be a lawyer at all, I want to be so in a place where I can be challenged and learn a lot of things happily.
So I asked for one month to think. My boss gave me 7 days.
I took the whole 7 days. Weighed my options (which I managed to obtain by the way). On the 7th day I submit my acceptance to this firm and rejection with another firm.
I had to move to a room near my office. It's to save cost. I had to leave a place where I am free to do whatever I want by myself and be comfortable and live in a smaller place with strangers.
I am quite saddened but I know it is necessary. By this time I no longer know what is waiting for me in life.
I am quite lost as to the future. But I saw the present clearly. I am now taking my chance and grabbed the best option that I had. All I know is I just had to brace it by myself.

Temerloh

Just got back from Temerloh~
I had quite a fun journey because my master wanted Liza to come along. We just went there to file something at the the High Court. I was excited because the last time I was there for trial I didnt get to eat at the best Ikan Patin restaurant.
So this time, when I went by myself I brought food container with heat resistant bag.
I planned to ask the court staff where is the best place to eat Ikan Patin masak tempoyak in Temerloh. and I did.
They told me its Restoran Pak Usop.
So me and Liza went and found the place. However, we are quite disappointed because the shop keeper including all the waiters are very proud and haughty. We believe it is because they assume that they are famous so they don't have to care about customers anymore. Both of us were quite confused because they were no signs or indications whatsoever that we must self-service. However, being quite a savy eaters we help ourselves to all the lauk. We also had to ask a few times for rice which in the end we went to take ourselves.
We are so frustrated with the service because we came all the way from Kuala Lumpur and went at great length to find the restaurant and were so hungry.
The Ikan Patin masak tempoyak at Pak Usop's is not that great that they can be so haughty and proud like that. They were not that many customers at that time of the day either (around 2.30pm-3.30pm).
We have been to busier restaurant with way better service right in Kuala Lumpur. I thought people in small town supposed to be more courteous.
Because I were of the opinion that Pak Usop & Co is very poyo to us I didn't even want to fill my food container with their Ikan Patin masak tempoyak. Plus, it was not THAT great. I have tasted better. They didn't even cook the original fresh water fish (ikan sungai) but used farm fish instead.
Instead, me and Liza tapau Nasi Ayam at the end of Pak Usop's row. It was delicious.
Regardless, we are satisfied that we have tasted and tested the infamous Pak Usop's. Definitely will not recommend it to fellow travelers because they simply don't deserve it. I used to eat at a restaurant at the back of Pak Usop's and it tasted better and had more choices.
Because of my disappointment I refuse to picture the food. Plus, at that time of the day they werent many lauk left.
My friend from Temerloh who was outstation that day promised that for my next visit he will take me to a genuine Ikan Patin masak Tempoyak restaurant near the Hospital.
Admittedly, you may only taste the best Ikan Patin Masak Tempoyak right inside Temerloh. Any other place outside it will taste weird (went to R&R Genting Sempah last time and it tasted bad there).
However, in Selangor - Kuala Lumpur you can find anything that tasted better than its origin place if you know where to look.
My wish to eat the food at its origin place is only due to traveling i.e why not? since we are here.
Our frustration did not last for very long however.
For one thing, we are no longer hungry. Plus, we get to sight seeing at a place where we don't usually go.
For me, the best thing that happened during our visit to Temerloh is the RM3 car wash:






It was unbelievable. RM3?!
But it's true. On our way back we stop by to get my very dirty car a wash.
I am so happy that it is in Temerloh, definitely will be stuck in a long queue if it's in KL.
We don't have to go out of the car. I have only to drive into sections where they splash water,









then splash snowy soap,








then enter the 'washing machine',









then some people will dry your car.
You can add RM1 for tyre wax and RM4 for vacuum. But I don't need the extra service so I just have to pay RM3.
On our way back we stopped at R&R Genting Sempah to buy Buah Berangan and exotic fruits. The usual mango and banana are from KL but its sold cheap here. I bought wild mangosteen that was harvested by orang asli and home grown eggplant, some Buah Berangan (memang berangan kalau makan. haha) and some mango.
It didn't cost me more than RM20.
My final say? I definitely will come again because I haven't tasted the best Ikan Patin masak Tempoyak.
Blah la Pak Usop. Memang takda ong la orang nama Usop ni.

I'm supposed to sleep

But I decided to write here first.
I cannot help but feel that time moved ever so slowly on the chambering part of my life. Which is almost my whole life at the moment.
I considered of not practicing once i completed chambering. instead....i may want to do this:






























well, i thought it could be fun.
But after a few hours research I think I have to stomach the fact that it is the same as any other businesses that requires perseverance, capital, risk, losses and for sure tight competition before it can work out.
I am not sure if I am disheartened. I think it wont do for me to give up so easily on anything. I know that if i ever put my whole heart into it, anything can work out.
but at the moment my heart or my mind...is quite all jumbled up with indecisions.
or I may joined government.
I have received the result for my SPA exam that i sat for last April.
I got one job. But i must go through second stage before i got it for real. Liza said i am born for that job(i'm paraphrasing) but i am not so sure about the physical test.
actually i got called for interview for another job that i have mentioned in my previous post. so we can say that I got two jobs for my SPA.
I read that some people even managed to pass for FIVE job. whereas some people failed again and again.
all i know is...the time is now if i want to start doing anything.
While i am still figuring that out, might as well finished chambering. but why oh why it had to be that long. i know i should be lucky that we dont have to do one whole year....but still...i'm here not there.
yeah i know, i am the one who said that i wanted this adventure.

Btw, the bridal dais and all the hantaran is open for reservations. At the moment I just have whatever that you saw on the picture. the price can be negotiated. I can assure that the price is reasonable and almost similar to other people offering the same service on blogspot. I'm thinking of opening a separate blog for this business, however i am quite busy and it must start somewhere. so here it is.
Do contact me via email (you can find my email on this blog) or just leave a comment.

PErang Mulut

Whats the meaning behind you chambering life without a real mouth fight over something so small?
I wouldn’t say that your chambering life will be meaningless…but it will be…well...uneventful.
Its not important that you win the fight.
But its important that you stood up for yourself. Cause if you don’t set up your bottom line. People would think that you don’t have any.

I feel like recording the particular incident before I forgot all the details. In fact, I think I had forgotten some of it already.

Anyway, in our firm there was a LA who had just got his PC around give or take three months ago. Remember the one who had left me on the lurch the night before my short call? Yeah that’s him.

Today I decided to go home the moment the clock struck 5.30pm. I had a few ongoing jobs but I prefer to do it at home. There were no urgent files for me to complete. I did hang around for a few minutes until it’s around 6pm. when I had clocked out the LA told me from across cubicles for me not to go home. I decided to ignore him because I thought it was about the only matter that Liza and me were doing with him which I had completed.

But he told PS secretary to call me up and told me to come back.

I came back around 15 minutes later (coz I want to send my shirts to the laundry first).

So I went up and ask him whats up. He told me to wait. So I waited. After that he told me to go to conference room and closed the door.

Then he yelled at me:

YSY: SAYA SURUH AWAK TUNGGU KENAPA AWAK TAK TUNGGU?

ME: Saya ingat awak gurau jek. Nampak macam main-main jek tak bagi saya balik?

YSY: TAPI AWAK DAH NAMPAK SAYA SURUH TUNGGU KENAPA AWAK TAK TUNGGU? KAU NAK KURANG AJAR DENGAN AKU YE!

ME: Sebab dah after 5.30pm and saya dah pun clock-out.

YSY: O, MACAM NI CARA KAU KERJA YA. KAU INGAT NI COMPANY BAPAK KAU KE. LAIN KALI SURUH BAPAK KAU JE LA BAYAR GAJI KAT KAU.

ME: PASAL BAPAK-BAPAK TAKPAYAH LA NAK MAIN. SEKARANG NI WAKTU KERJA ADALAH SEHINGGA 5.30PM JEK. DAN AKUPUN BUKAN BALIK TEPAT-TEPAT 5.30PM. AKU TUNGGU JUGAK. DISEBABKAN KERJA AKU DAH SIAP DAN MEMANDANGKAN KAU TAKDE PULAK BAGITAU AWAL-AWAL SEBELUM WAKTU HABIS KERJA SURUH AKU TUNGGU JADI AKUPUN TAKDE LA TUNGGU.

YSY: KAN KAU NAMPAK AKU DAH SURUH TUNGGU. KENAPA KAU BALIK JUGAK BILA AKU DAH SURUH TUNGGU?

ME: SEBAB AKU MEMANG DENGAN SENGAJA NAK BALIK.

YSY: TADI KAU CAKAP KAU INGAT AKU BERGURAU!?

ME: TADI AKU CUBA CARA BAIK. SEKARANG AKU BAGITAU LA PERKARA YANG SEBENARNYE SEBAB KO DAH JERIT-JERIT KAT AKU.

YSY: KAU SENDIRI PUN TAU AKU TAKDE NAK MENYUSAHKAN BUDAK CHAMBERING.

ME: AKU TAU KO TAKDE NAK MENYUSAHKAN KITORANG

YSY: BILE AKU SURUH TUNGGU TU MAKNANYE ADA KERJA!

ME: KERJA APE? HA BAGITAU LA KERJA APE? MANE? MANE?

YSY: EH, SEKARANG KAU NAK MENGARAH-ARAH AKU PULAK? KAU TAK HORMAT DEKAT AKU YE. KURANG AJAR. KAU INGAT AKU NI SAPE? ABANG KAU KE?

ME: AKU TAKDE PULAK ANGGAP KAU TU SAUDARA MARA AKU. AKUPUN HORMAT JE DEKAT ORANG YANG HORMAT AKU. KALAU KAU DAH GUNA CARA MACAM NI. AKU TERPAKSA LA GUNA CARA YANG SAMA.

YSY: KAU INGAT AKU NAK BAGI KAU KERJA APE?

ME: KALAU PASAL PUSPAKOM TU AKU AKU DAN LIZA DAH CHECK DUA KALI. KAU BAGI DUA DRAFT YANG BERBEZA. TAPI TAKPE, AKU CHECK JUGAK DUA-DUA. FOUND OUT SATU TAK LENGKAP. SO KITORANG BASED LA DEKAT YANG PALING LENGKAP AND BUAT COMMENT DEKAT SITU. SEKALI KO CAKAP YANG TAK LENGKAP ITULAH YANG TERBARU. TAKPE, KITORANG BUAT JUGAK KAT YANG TERBARU. TETIBE FOUND OUT SEBLOM BALIK YANG DUA-DUA PUN BUKAN DRAFTNYE. JADI BILA KO PANGGIL TU AKU ASSUMED PASAL KO NAK SURUH AKU BUAT BALIK DEKAT DRAFT YANG BETUL. SO AKUPUN MALAS NAK LAYAN.

YSY: (started to slow down) Aku bukan nak bagi ko kerja Puspakom. Aku nak bagi ko kerja BERNAS. Ini Puan yang suruh.

ME: Kalau Puan yang suruh, apsal ko tak jerit kat aku..”sarah, tunggu kejap…ada kerja Puan” barulah aku nak tunggu.

YSY: Aku malas la nak guna nama pulak.

ME: (Seeing that he had slowed down, i decided to slow down too) Kalau macam tu mungkin akupun silap tak tunggu tapi kau pun ada salah kau jugak dengan aku. Jadi ko tak perlu la nak jerit-jerit. Kena ada give and take. Kalau setakat first mistake..tak payah la nak jerit-jerit. Tegur je elok-elok tak boleh?

YSY: Huh!

Me: (silent)

YSY: dahlah, bertekak pun tak gune. Sekarang ni kerja Puan ni macam ni…..

And we started to discuss like nothing happened. But Allah knows how unfocused I am. The truth is I was so shaken. But of course, he wouldn’t see that.

It turned out that it was only a research work that will only be due on next week Monday. Which also could wait until I came back tomorrow. I just don’t want to prolong the matter so I didn’t point that out to him how absurd all the arguments are. I understand that he just couldn’t accept the fact that I had left him just like that. So he told the secretary to called me up back to the office just to assert his authority which I in turn do not appreciate due to my defense mechanism.

Then, after he had finished explaining what was required of me. He said: “Saya mintak maaf untuk meninggi suara” then I said quickly after that “saya pun”.

Then we acted like nothing happened when we were out of the conference room.

Okay, I could have said meaner things than what I have already said. Like “bukan kau yang bayar gaji aku pun” and “eleh kalau setakat gaji ciput macam ni memang bapak aku boleh bayar” or “aku memang tak answerable kat ko …ko tu sape nak jerit-jerit kat aku? Master aku pun tak pernah jerit kat aku.”

But I decided to try to be as diplomatic as I can be first. Besides, I am glad that I didn’t use the mean words. Because he did apologized after that. Plus, the fact that I had shouted back to him is quite enough already. I am quite sympathetic with his huge ego. So I think I had bruised quite a pride by showing no fear towards him.

When I drive back home after the incident. I do regret that I didn’t say the following:

“hormat ni bukan sesuatu yang bila kita minta orang terus bagi. Respect is something that is earned from each different individual. So why should I respect you when you had not earned mine?”

But of course, I wouldn’t have the ability to produce that line in the heat of an argument. Because despite what people think on my answers above. I honestly believe that I had zero ability to perang mulut. Yes, I can state my opinion clearly in a discussion etc. but that was only when the situation is not intense and involved only civilized people. I cannot react quite effectively when people started to shout and say things like ‘kurang ajar’ or ‘bapak kau’ or ‘kau ingat aku ni sape?” and the likes of it. One of the reason is I am amazed at how people can lowered their self-image easily..so at that pondering state I am quite tongue tied. I am always amaze at the people who can say exactly what they wanted on a perang mulut.

I am like Kathleen in You’ve got Mail when she told Joe Fox that she couldn’t say what she wanted to say to mean people and she is amaze at Joe Fox for that ability:

Joe Fox: [talking via email to "Shopgirl"] Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and walking away, you zing them? "Hello, it's Mr Nasty." I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Kathleen Kelly: [talking via email to "NY152"] No, I know exactly what you mean, and I'm completely jealous. What happens to me when I'm provoked is that I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said. What should I have said, for example, to a bottom dweller who recently belittled my existence?
[stops and thinks]

Kathleen Kelly: Nothing. Even now, days later, I can't figure it out.

Joe Fox: Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you? And then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time, and we'd both be happy. But then, on the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.

(Quoted from IMDB)


And later in the movie Kathleen had became the mean person that she wanted to be:

Joe Fox: I think you'd discover a lot of things if you really knew me.

Kathleen Kelly: If I really knew you, I know exactly what I'd find: instead of a brain a cash register, instead of a heart a bottom line.

[gasps]

Joe Fox: What?

Kathleen Kelly: I just had a breakthrough.

Joe Fox: What is it?

Kathleen Kelly: I have you to thank for it. For the first time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and I said it.

Joe Fox: I think you have the gift for it. It was a perfect blend of poetry and meanness.


(quoted from IMDB)


Actually there is no significant difference whether you said exactly whats in your mind and not saying it to mean people.

So in way, after I sat down and started to blog about this, I really don’t care if I had hurt YSY bad enough or not. I don’t care if he’s hurt or not. I only care about getting through the whole chambering. The difference about me than everybody else is that I had escaped from the mean partner in my previous firm. Therefore, the only thing that I have to deal now…is YSY and he is nothing compared to what I have been through. Without YSY my chambering life would be so dull. And the situation will be a blatant contrast between my previous firm and the current firm. So I have YSY in my current firm to argue with because all other partners and another lawyer is not prone to shouting. To tell the truth, I am quite happy that YSY is quite my own size (in terms of position) where I can be more rude if I wish to be so than I had been with AM (the partner in previous firm). In short, I don’t have to be too respectful.

So, I am still not sorry that I had turned down the chance to attend the interview in AG. and people who knew me always know my scores with interviews. So believe it or not, i can get that job if i tried. But I am still not sorry that I had to go through this, and forget about above 2k per month...with only less than 1k.

Tired~

Cant imagine how exhausted i am....
Went to a talk in State Bar today. its supposed to start at 5pm. but later it was postponed to 5.30. I was there at 4.30pm.
But the speaker came at around 7pm.
Its finished at near 9pm. (whats should have been from 5-6pm or 5.30pm-6.30pm)
I had to squeezed in and out of a very packed row of people on the chairs to go to pray and come back.
My shoulder and waist are sore due to the long sitting and waiting. It turned out to be nothing much (for me, dunno about others) because its not something that we cannot find by a little research. However, i do appreciate certain discussions on points that we wont get by any textual authorities. Regardless, sorry to say that the wait is more for the compulsory certificate rather than the content of the talk (since i am not that satisfied).

Another event of the day is that i had received a phone call from the AG chambers telling me to come to an interview on 27 April 2010.
The thing is...i had never applied at AGC before. but i did applied at SPA. but the job at AGC is not my first choice. I wanted something else. However, i am kinda tempted by the salary. I feel like I can barely do anything with the amount that i'm receiving now.
And i feel like I had so little time to think whether i even should come to the interview. I asked the kind officer to list my name as attending and will confirm again with him later.
But I kinda had decided by now that the time has not come for me to join service just yet. Besides, I am currently enjoying a very healthy working environment. I am not at my comfort zone and I feel like i am using my utmost thinking ability. I love using my brain even though sometimes i can barely stand the amount of pressure.
I guess I am just not into mainstream.
But why did i even bother to apply?
actually I applied to SPA before i received my final result, before chambering. I renewed my application some months ago. Some months ago, when i havent had this life i had thought that joining is better for me. I went to the exam when they send me a letter telling me to come. I did some research the night before the exam. up to that moment i kinda dont mind being accepted into it. but i kinda had some moments of realization upon reading all that questions and upon answering it. Its not that i cannot answer it. I just wonder why the questions is like that? and what kind of people that they want? why dont they want people that i think they should want? why do i have to answer like this? why wont they accept if i answered differently?
that being said, i still want to join if i get my first choice. because i believe there is still opportunity to expand there.
Its not that i dont appreciate that the people are willing to call me up. to give me a chance. for one reason, to go means to risk losing what i had now. to change my course altogether. to waste the time and money that the Firm had invested in me. Although i didnt know whether they want to retain me at all, it doesnt matter. the thing that matter is now: receiving and giving back. Besides, to being called up means that I had proven to myself that I am capable of getting that job. So its not true that only the best scorer can get it. People like me had a chance too. technically, I had proven that i am as good as them.
So i think i can move on to focus on what i had already started and finish it.
This opportunity, perhaps it can wait. If it is really my destiny, one day it will be mine. But now......i want to have this adventure.

Inner Battle

Voice or reason ("VR") #1: Sarah, go and do all those pending research now!

VR #2: but its weekend. I wanna play and only do what i want to do!

VR #1: but you'll get scolded if you didnt finish ur job. and you have not much time next week because u'll be out of office for some of the days.

VR #2: but they only gave all those instructions on Friday.

VR #1: they dont care.

VR #2: pssshhh. hell, why should i care. its not like they paid me much. they should be grateful that i always have my job done. why should i sacrifice my weekend and personal time too? its not like i'm married to my job. is this a job anyway?

VR #1: well, are you prepared to face their judgment next week?

VR #2: naaaah, i dont know~ i mean, i dont know if i care or scared. i feel like pulling my cool and couldnt care less face. besides, its already 7pm. what will i get done with just a few hours? and i havent even send my car to car wash.

VR #1: well, you can go along with your excuses. both of us can get screwed for all we care.

VR #2: yeah thats right. kudos to us!

VR #1: (OMG OMG)

p/s: this is post number one hundred #100....yay!

in da hood

well, i am still not in a bored mood as yet. there's a lot to do and a lot of things is happening around me. whats news?
1. havent secure a job even after 1 month looking
2. waiting for my mother's flat near south city (mines) to be grilled so that i can move in
3. in order to move in must clean the empty house
4. after cleaning must move in. then you know the drill
5. will rent out room.
6. in short i'm gonna be a landlady. lol
7. still looking for a job
8. have got no time to report everything. later. bye eeee:P

Hari yg gelap

HAri ni aku tekanan lagi. Haih, tak habis2 tekanan. risau lak kalau tetibe aku jadik mental. tak ke riuh sekampung "Sarah blaja law sampai jadik gile". ishk2 mintak simpang ler. Final Year ni aku membuat rumusan bahawa kepandaian otak tidak lagi menjadi ukuran. sebaliknye kepandaian anda membodek lecturer-lecturer dan samada anda boleh buat-buat yang anda bodoh dan menerima apa sahaja arahan lecturer tanpa banyak soal walaupun betapa tak logiknye arahan tersebut. setakat ni aku punye integriti diri belum lagi membenarkan aku membodek lecturer. otak aku belum boleh terima arahan bodoh. diri aku belum mahu melaksanakan arahan bodoh. maka disebabkan itulah aku tekanan. adakah aku patut melupekan diri aku sendiri dan buat sahaja mengikut arus?
Memang sekarang ni lecturer akan banyak bagi arahan kerana subjek tahun terakhir lebih banyak coursework. ada beberapa subjek yang assessment mark nye 60% dan exam 40% instead of the other way round.
Mungkinkah aku akan menjadi the next encik Karpal? ya, memanglah dia hebat sekarang tapi mase kat uni dulu dia sangkut gak (ini lecturer aku yg satu university ngan dia yg ckp kat aku). Aku tepon rumah cakap yg maybe sem ni aku akan sangkut. and selepas mak aku mendengar hujah2 aku (termasuk la perenggan pertama tadi) maka mak aku cakap takpelah kalo aku nak fail. nak wat camne kan. of course la aku takkan saje2 failkan diri tapi ade high probability la nak fail sem nih.
aku ni memang ego tinggi dan keras kepala. tapi disaat-saat begini ego dan kepala aku dalam keadaan berbelah bahagi. pertama aku rasekan adalah benar untuk aku mengekalkan ego dan kepala batu aku dalam menghadapi kebodohan manusia. on the other hand, mase depan aku boleh terancam. yang mane patut dikorbankan? mase depan atau maruah?
Jangan ade sape2 nak blame aku diatas hal ini. hakikatnye mmg betul pun kebanyakan ahli akademik jurusan undang-undang mempunyai otak yang pusing. termasuk le practitioner. lihat saje encik Karpal. tapi utk menguatkan hujah aku....
ada sorang lecturer kat uia ni dah mental. padahal pernah tulis buku yg bagus utk student.
ada judge bunuh diri.
ada lecturer bergaduh dgn kwn baik yg jugak lecturer law sampai conteng buku yg diorang buat sama2.
ada yg hari2 oggling student atas bawah sebab nak tengok ape aurat dia yg terpapar dengan alasan nak marah kalau nampak. pastu sindir2 and siap bgtau lagi ape yg dia nampak. (aku rasa ini kire berdose gak...ko pehal nak tgk aurat perempuan? alihkan pandanganmu sudeh, takpun g ah soh lecturer perempuan yg tegur) - aku marah jek tapi tak pnah jadi mangsa dia nih.
ada yg kaki gossip. kalah gossip girls. haaai penat jek blaja sampai phd tapi kekampungan kekal melanda.
eh kalau aku nak list down memang satu blog pun tak habis daaaa.....
ape yg aku cube sampaikan adalah: kat org mcm ni ke aku patut hormat dan menuntut ilmu?
well aku membuat keputusan bahawa aku disini bukan lagi untuk menuntut ilmu. tapi untuk belajar cara-cara survival dalam menghadapi attitude orang. kire ilmu gak la. tapi ilmu yang tak perlu dibelajar kalau semua orang bijak dan baik. tapi disebabkan manusia jahat dan bodoh adalah seperti buih di lautan maka terpaksa la. bagus gak untuk hari2 bekerja nanti.
aku dah pun merancang mase depan aku based on semua di atas. memandangkan hidup aku sedikit sebanyak akan dimusnahkan oleh org2 mcm ni maka aku pun melupekan hasrat nak jadik lawyer. kalau ada rezeki jadilah. kalo takde aku dahpun mengisi borang SPA. pilihan kedua: pegawai penyiasat. mwahahaha.
tapi buat mase ni aku masih tensen kerana sejak sabtu aku tidak memproduce apepe untuk mengurangkan kesibukan aku. sebabnye aku takde mood. tapi sebab terbesar adalah aku menemui jalan buntu. drafting CP taktau wat. homework PP taktau jawapan. study untuk mid term ungs2050 - banyak sangat tak larat nak baca. study utk midterm PP - takde notes and taktau la hape nak dibace. maka dengan ini aku tensen tensen tenseeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
sekian.