5 Centimeters Per Second. Impeccable CGI coupled with fascinating storyline. Kind of made me remember my childhood years. haha. I just love this story.
06 December 2010
02 December 2010
01 December 2010
25 November 2010
About Me on Facebook
This is my previous About Me on Facebook:
I am an open minded traditional, modern conservative, negative idealist,practical visionary, loyal egoist, childish adult, old and young, blatant and stern yet symphatize. The most incomprehensible being that I have ever met, is me.
This is my current About Me:
A broke future rookie LA who never pays much attention to facebook chat and friend's updates and fills her facebook wall with Mafia Wars and Happy Island updates instead.
Update: Long Call is on 3rd December 2010. heh. Can hardly wait for the date. It means the end of all the hassle.
P/s: What about my Flowers in the air post that people kept opening it? I feel kinda violated and offended because my other post was not as popular as that. hehe
I am an open minded traditional, modern conservative, negative idealist,practical visionary, loyal egoist, childish adult, old and young, blatant and stern yet symphatize. The most incomprehensible being that I have ever met, is me.
This is my current About Me:
A broke future rookie LA who never pays much attention to facebook chat and friend's updates and fills her facebook wall with Mafia Wars and Happy Island updates instead.
Update: Long Call is on 3rd December 2010. heh. Can hardly wait for the date. It means the end of all the hassle.
P/s: What about my Flowers in the air post that people kept opening it? I feel kinda violated and offended because my other post was not as popular as that. hehe
18 November 2010
Post Raya
My current situation is best summed up by my current FB status:
"three types of rendang, lemang, nasi biryani, ayam masak merah, dalca, acar, bread & butter pudding, chocolate cake, muffins later....diarrhea...okay not exactly, more like chilli overload...and my stomach cant stand too much chillies."
So I felt a bit hot inside my stomach and of course its acting up right now. My mood is OK although quite a few things made it hard to start the day.
First of all I would like to congratulate myself for writing so much this month. It must be because I've got new books which made me stayed up until morning to finish them and somehow it made my mind flowing with words and the excitement to write it down.
My stomach acted up since last night. I was reading Inkspell until 3am in the morning so I didn't exactly was sleepless because of my stomach. I managed to sleep until 6.45am and when I woke up went a few rounds to the loo. Anyway, I warmed some of the food from yesterday (even though they are the cause of my stomach ache) and get them ready to be brought to the office. I tried so hard to figure out a way not to throw away all these foods because I know I can't eat them all by myself (still figuring out. any help?).
I went again to the Big Bad Wolf warehouse sale on its last day yesterday. Everything RM8 went down to RM5. I managed to get Cormac McCarthy's and another. I also bought traveling book on Singapore. Well I know its just across the sea but since the book was cheap and it has maps and everything else to rectify my noobness of that place. I planned to go there during Christmas. However, I didn't save up anything to prepare myself for the trip except the accommodation. I am so worried that I will feel so bad if I went anyway without enough money for my shopping spree. I am still figuring ways to get around this problem though (and the book made me so excited too).
Being random and for the record, I drained my newly bought toner today and I feel that it is such a waste. It was my favorite too. I had packed (throw) everything into my backpack this morning as I shall live in my rented room during office days. So when I throw my backpack into the car boot today I saw that it was drenched. I know I didn't have my water bottle with me so I knew it had to be the toner or the eye make-up remover. I wished it was the eye make-up remover instead. Apparently I didn't screw the cap tightly. I am so down (as I always do when I feel things go to waste) that I can't wait to go to Singapore and buy a toner. It had to be from oversea to compensate my feeling of loss. And we are back to money issue again. WHERE DO I GET THE MONEY TO SHOP IN SINGAPORE is the question.
As Geraldine said (and I know she is bored with my ramblings on money shortage) I am forever with money issues. But of course, I will always be so until I earned at least RM3k. Although I know by the time I earned RM3k it will still be not enough. In short, I will forever have the money issue and people will be so annoyed at me for thinking that I had money issue. In my opinion, I can think I have money issue all I want as the outcome is good i.e always be on high alert on your money consumption. I also believe that I need to be this paranoid to avoid from really being a shopaholic. I mean I love to shop but I always went for the high quality things with good price and I still can stop myself from buying everything that I want.
So the sum total of my morning is the feeling of wastage, money issue and how to go on a shopping spree in Singapore. Oh I forgot to note that I am so happy that 70% of cars are not on MRR2 today! I believed that 60% of KL citizens consist of families with school going kids. Which also summed up that they are the ones causing traffic jams. Which also means somebody should take measures to ensure children safety when they board school buses so that less car can be on the road just to send and fetch them from school.
Now let us go on to Raya stories. hehe. I am not sure how I feel when my 28 year old cousin said he is not sure to tie the knot with a girl who was doing her chambering the same time as me because she is a (future) lawyer like me and people like me argue a lot. Ok basically they argues a lot and in short he thinks we lawyers argues a lot. I asked in front of his mother and mine including my second aunt on why hasn't he made an honest woman out of her yet since they had been together for such a looooooong time. He answered with a question: Why you have no boyfriend?
I immediately know it must be related to the stigma that lawyers either talk a lot or argue a lot or opinionated or all of the above. So I just non-nonchalantly list all of the above for him and he picked 'arguing'. But I also somehow picked out that his mother was not so fond of the girl because she is a lawyer. I feel so sorry for her because I had met her and because my aunt must have based her judgment on me. Because I was so opinionated and live my own ways since I was 18 which is quite a taboo as she is quite traditional and my cousins listened to her. Even my younger brother listened to her on whether he can or cannot sleep at my house when he went back to our parent's. I didn't say it was altogether a bad thing and I didn't say anything about my brother because it is somewhat good for him.
I am the only one in our family network who are going to be a lawyer soon and it seems nobody are following my footsteps. So I didn't blame her if she based her opinion on me. Although I do feel that it is quite shallow and what a lost. Because my attitude is rare even among future lawyers. I am somehow the weird one. It only confirmed that people like them (and there was so many of them) will forever avoid educated women from entering their family. Which is why there are so many delinquents and juveniles out there. Because future husband and in-laws choose uneducated women into their family as they are easier to control and had almost no opinions at all. So these uneducated women will just give birth and have no idea on nurturing children's mind.
Well at least educated women do received formal education and it's proven by their qualifications. Surely people with knowledge are different than people with none. Surely there are exceptions. But this is the general rule. Surely there are difference between children borne by a graduate and children borne by, say, SPM graduate. Surely.
What I am saying is, it is such a lost to my family that my aunts simply had no interest in securing educated people as their sons and daughters in law for the well being of mankind. Its a different story if there is no one else but this person. The problem is when there are choices they simply choose the timid one. It also baffled me when all of them went to universities too. Well I guess I'll just settle with my blog and let out all my opinions to random people as in the near future I shall have a very thin chance to have a family discussion without hurting their feelings because they don't get what I mean or couldn't accept my boldness in stating the obvious. As it is, all my female cousins my sister included didn't get me and while they enjoy calling each other stupid and fat they simply cannot have an ordinary conversation with me because I am so weird.
"three types of rendang, lemang, nasi biryani, ayam masak merah, dalca, acar, bread & butter pudding, chocolate cake, muffins later....diarrhea...okay not exactly, more like chilli overload...and my stomach cant stand too much chillies."
So I felt a bit hot inside my stomach and of course its acting up right now. My mood is OK although quite a few things made it hard to start the day.
First of all I would like to congratulate myself for writing so much this month. It must be because I've got new books which made me stayed up until morning to finish them and somehow it made my mind flowing with words and the excitement to write it down.
My stomach acted up since last night. I was reading Inkspell until 3am in the morning so I didn't exactly was sleepless because of my stomach. I managed to sleep until 6.45am and when I woke up went a few rounds to the loo. Anyway, I warmed some of the food from yesterday (even though they are the cause of my stomach ache) and get them ready to be brought to the office. I tried so hard to figure out a way not to throw away all these foods because I know I can't eat them all by myself (still figuring out. any help?).
I went again to the Big Bad Wolf warehouse sale on its last day yesterday. Everything RM8 went down to RM5. I managed to get Cormac McCarthy's and another. I also bought traveling book on Singapore. Well I know its just across the sea but since the book was cheap and it has maps and everything else to rectify my noobness of that place. I planned to go there during Christmas. However, I didn't save up anything to prepare myself for the trip except the accommodation. I am so worried that I will feel so bad if I went anyway without enough money for my shopping spree. I am still figuring ways to get around this problem though (and the book made me so excited too).
Being random and for the record, I drained my newly bought toner today and I feel that it is such a waste. It was my favorite too. I had packed (throw) everything into my backpack this morning as I shall live in my rented room during office days. So when I throw my backpack into the car boot today I saw that it was drenched. I know I didn't have my water bottle with me so I knew it had to be the toner or the eye make-up remover. I wished it was the eye make-up remover instead. Apparently I didn't screw the cap tightly. I am so down (as I always do when I feel things go to waste) that I can't wait to go to Singapore and buy a toner. It had to be from oversea to compensate my feeling of loss. And we are back to money issue again. WHERE DO I GET THE MONEY TO SHOP IN SINGAPORE is the question.
As Geraldine said (and I know she is bored with my ramblings on money shortage) I am forever with money issues. But of course, I will always be so until I earned at least RM3k. Although I know by the time I earned RM3k it will still be not enough. In short, I will forever have the money issue and people will be so annoyed at me for thinking that I had money issue. In my opinion, I can think I have money issue all I want as the outcome is good i.e always be on high alert on your money consumption. I also believe that I need to be this paranoid to avoid from really being a shopaholic. I mean I love to shop but I always went for the high quality things with good price and I still can stop myself from buying everything that I want.
So the sum total of my morning is the feeling of wastage, money issue and how to go on a shopping spree in Singapore. Oh I forgot to note that I am so happy that 70% of cars are not on MRR2 today! I believed that 60% of KL citizens consist of families with school going kids. Which also summed up that they are the ones causing traffic jams. Which also means somebody should take measures to ensure children safety when they board school buses so that less car can be on the road just to send and fetch them from school.
Now let us go on to Raya stories. hehe. I am not sure how I feel when my 28 year old cousin said he is not sure to tie the knot with a girl who was doing her chambering the same time as me because she is a (future) lawyer like me and people like me argue a lot. Ok basically they argues a lot and in short he thinks we lawyers argues a lot. I asked in front of his mother and mine including my second aunt on why hasn't he made an honest woman out of her yet since they had been together for such a looooooong time. He answered with a question: Why you have no boyfriend?
I immediately know it must be related to the stigma that lawyers either talk a lot or argue a lot or opinionated or all of the above. So I just non-nonchalantly list all of the above for him and he picked 'arguing'. But I also somehow picked out that his mother was not so fond of the girl because she is a lawyer. I feel so sorry for her because I had met her and because my aunt must have based her judgment on me. Because I was so opinionated and live my own ways since I was 18 which is quite a taboo as she is quite traditional and my cousins listened to her. Even my younger brother listened to her on whether he can or cannot sleep at my house when he went back to our parent's. I didn't say it was altogether a bad thing and I didn't say anything about my brother because it is somewhat good for him.
I am the only one in our family network who are going to be a lawyer soon and it seems nobody are following my footsteps. So I didn't blame her if she based her opinion on me. Although I do feel that it is quite shallow and what a lost. Because my attitude is rare even among future lawyers. I am somehow the weird one. It only confirmed that people like them (and there was so many of them) will forever avoid educated women from entering their family. Which is why there are so many delinquents and juveniles out there. Because future husband and in-laws choose uneducated women into their family as they are easier to control and had almost no opinions at all. So these uneducated women will just give birth and have no idea on nurturing children's mind.
Well at least educated women do received formal education and it's proven by their qualifications. Surely people with knowledge are different than people with none. Surely there are exceptions. But this is the general rule. Surely there are difference between children borne by a graduate and children borne by, say, SPM graduate. Surely.
What I am saying is, it is such a lost to my family that my aunts simply had no interest in securing educated people as their sons and daughters in law for the well being of mankind. Its a different story if there is no one else but this person. The problem is when there are choices they simply choose the timid one. It also baffled me when all of them went to universities too. Well I guess I'll just settle with my blog and let out all my opinions to random people as in the near future I shall have a very thin chance to have a family discussion without hurting their feelings because they don't get what I mean or couldn't accept my boldness in stating the obvious. As it is, all my female cousins my sister included didn't get me and while they enjoy calling each other stupid and fat they simply cannot have an ordinary conversation with me because I am so weird.
16 November 2010
Selamat HAri Raya AidilAdha
Happy Eid people. I am so excited to eat to my heart's content at my parent's tomorrow. I have no idea whats on the menu but I am sure I will like it nonetheless. My guess is the food will be ordered from our usual Cik Ida. I was told that for this year the gathering place is at my parent's for all my mother's sibling and their family.
For the umpten time I will have to forget my cholesterol reducing mission.
I have no plan to make a new Baju Kurung for AidilAdha but last time I was in Intrade I met Shahida and Shams from Pakistan and I bought one set of fabric from them. The fabric is supposedly meant for a kind of Pakistani suit but I bought it with the sole intention of making it into Baju Kurung. I don't know the real price if it was bought from Malaysian people but I bought it for RM50 and I am sure it should be at least triple than that here. However, I am happy with the price that I paid as I know the cost of sending it to tailor will be high. I have send it last Saturday and I am told I wont be able to wear it for Eid which I dont mind but shall wear it to the nearest wedding that I am going to attend.
I thought of going back to parent's tonight but then I changed my mind as I want to peacefully read (gnaw?) into my latest haul from the Big Bad Wolf Warehouse Sale. I bought a complete set of Inkheart by Cornelia Funke for a mere RM24 and a biography of Omar Khayyam for RM10. I am quite sad because I had to restrain my desire to buy the whole warehouse since I already spent so much at Intrade particularly from Shahida and Shams where apart from the fabric I also bought two Himalayan Salt Lamps shipped directly from Pakistan for a total of RM27. Shams told me I haggle too much but Shahida always gave me a very special price. She told me that the lamps are expensive in this country. I believe her but I wont buy it if it wasn't because of her price anyway. I went to my parent's afterwards and checked with my mother for her Himalayan Salt Lamp that she had bought a few years back and it was RM100. Anyway, I am so proud of my smart shopaholic habit (i.e buying things I dont need INSANELY CHEAP).
Anyway, take it from me people, until you earn above RM2.5k salary please get all your things from warehouse sale. Sometimes I am quite sad that I had to resort to only warehouses to buy all my things from make-ups to accessories and books but after a while I realized that at every opportunity you can get you should get the best worth for your money. Ok, maybe for things that had expiry date you should get it new but for all other things that dont have expiry date we should get it at warehouse sale or expo. And do that until you know that you can afford to just throw your money away.
Enough about shopping. I just would love to record here that I have filed my papers on 12 November 2010. I am now waiting for my Long Call Date. Unfortunately, I can't know my date because its to be confirmed based on Judges' availability. At this point, I no longer care when is my date since I had tried all possible means to get it within this year and if it still didn't work then so be it. Although, I do feel like I am losing money here because the earlier I can be a lawyer it goes without saying the earlier the increase of monthly salary.
Anyway, I am so GLAD that in the end I had see it through that I finished my chambering (assuming my Long Call successful la, but who doesn't?). Oh after ALL the people that I had met and all attitudes that I went through. phewwwww~
And it is something to be proud of.
Completed LLB, completed Chambering. I never dream any of these back when I was in school. I was so playful and couldn't care less about my results (still are) but I made it. Luck. What do they say about luck? opportunities. I guess I just happened to be there when opportunity came by.
haha. HAPPY!
For the umpten time I will have to forget my cholesterol reducing mission.
I have no plan to make a new Baju Kurung for AidilAdha but last time I was in Intrade I met Shahida and Shams from Pakistan and I bought one set of fabric from them. The fabric is supposedly meant for a kind of Pakistani suit but I bought it with the sole intention of making it into Baju Kurung. I don't know the real price if it was bought from Malaysian people but I bought it for RM50 and I am sure it should be at least triple than that here. However, I am happy with the price that I paid as I know the cost of sending it to tailor will be high. I have send it last Saturday and I am told I wont be able to wear it for Eid which I dont mind but shall wear it to the nearest wedding that I am going to attend.
I thought of going back to parent's tonight but then I changed my mind as I want to peacefully read (gnaw?) into my latest haul from the Big Bad Wolf Warehouse Sale. I bought a complete set of Inkheart by Cornelia Funke for a mere RM24 and a biography of Omar Khayyam for RM10. I am quite sad because I had to restrain my desire to buy the whole warehouse since I already spent so much at Intrade particularly from Shahida and Shams where apart from the fabric I also bought two Himalayan Salt Lamps shipped directly from Pakistan for a total of RM27. Shams told me I haggle too much but Shahida always gave me a very special price. She told me that the lamps are expensive in this country. I believe her but I wont buy it if it wasn't because of her price anyway. I went to my parent's afterwards and checked with my mother for her Himalayan Salt Lamp that she had bought a few years back and it was RM100. Anyway, I am so proud of my smart shopaholic habit (i.e buying things I dont need INSANELY CHEAP).
Anyway, take it from me people, until you earn above RM2.5k salary please get all your things from warehouse sale. Sometimes I am quite sad that I had to resort to only warehouses to buy all my things from make-ups to accessories and books but after a while I realized that at every opportunity you can get you should get the best worth for your money. Ok, maybe for things that had expiry date you should get it new but for all other things that dont have expiry date we should get it at warehouse sale or expo. And do that until you know that you can afford to just throw your money away.
Enough about shopping. I just would love to record here that I have filed my papers on 12 November 2010. I am now waiting for my Long Call Date. Unfortunately, I can't know my date because its to be confirmed based on Judges' availability. At this point, I no longer care when is my date since I had tried all possible means to get it within this year and if it still didn't work then so be it. Although, I do feel like I am losing money here because the earlier I can be a lawyer it goes without saying the earlier the increase of monthly salary.
Anyway, I am so GLAD that in the end I had see it through that I finished my chambering (assuming my Long Call successful la, but who doesn't?). Oh after ALL the people that I had met and all attitudes that I went through. phewwwww~
And it is something to be proud of.
Completed LLB, completed Chambering. I never dream any of these back when I was in school. I was so playful and couldn't care less about my results (still are) but I made it. Luck. What do they say about luck? opportunities. I guess I just happened to be there when opportunity came by.
haha. HAPPY!
14 November 2010
Quotes~
One may argue, of course, over whether or not stupidity is a crime deserving of death. I think it is, for it can have exactly the same consequences as treachery. -Capricorn, Inkheart.
The calmer thought is not always the right thought, just as the distant view is not always the truest view. – Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864)
09 November 2010
Wedding Research
I got excited waiting for the coming weeks and months ahead where a few of my friends, best friend and special sister are getting married. Most people have no idea that I love to be involved in a wedding in whatever ways (provided I like that person). For a wedding of those who are special to me, I will share with them all my contacts and information on where to get wedding accessories, make-up artiste, wedding card printer, fresh flowers arrangement etc etc. I also know places such as shops and warehouses for door gift and trays for wedding 'hantaran' (or dowry?).
However, I sometime become quite generous and feel like sharing some (not all) of my secrets with my few readers and I will do so in a short while.
My idea of an ideal wedding is definitely not the same as your ideal wedding. Nevertheless, my idea might be applicable in some parts if not a big part of your wedding.
My idea of an ideal wedding is to have all the best things in the country with the best price. Definition of best price is cheap. Cheap includes transportation cost, time and energy wasted. Best things are the things of high quality and can be used for a long long time. It may also includes rare things or brand that majority people do not use.
Well please do not mistake my idea of an ideal wedding with my dream wedding. I have no dream wedding. Like I told most of the people I met in life, I rather post a big advertisement on a major newspaper with our wedding picture announcing we are married and prior to that just get married in a mosque without any reception than spend thousands just for a wedding.
Oh but please don't be so disturbed with my bizarre ideas. I mean that is just me. You might not be able to pull it off anyway.
And let us go on with our main objective here. Despite my own personal opinion, I do so much love going shopping for a wedding. I can balance my personal opinion with your personal opinion and just enjoy the whole process anyway. Okay, that was a bit exaggerated. I do actually feel disturbed with your idea of an ideal wedding if it is too alien than my ideal wedding.
Oh why can't I just keep this post innocently gushy and purely about wedding without blurring the image with my dark ideas and thoughts.
Sorry guys. Now let us go on to our real objective ( I know I am saying this the second time). Here we go, sites that I like and would really love it if other people benefit from it:
If you are looking for branded cosmetics, home and fashion items for your hantaran, head on to these warehouse sales between this 9th to 15th November 2010:
However, I sometime become quite generous and feel like sharing some (not all) of my secrets with my few readers and I will do so in a short while.
My idea of an ideal wedding is definitely not the same as your ideal wedding. Nevertheless, my idea might be applicable in some parts if not a big part of your wedding.
My idea of an ideal wedding is to have all the best things in the country with the best price. Definition of best price is cheap. Cheap includes transportation cost, time and energy wasted. Best things are the things of high quality and can be used for a long long time. It may also includes rare things or brand that majority people do not use.
Well please do not mistake my idea of an ideal wedding with my dream wedding. I have no dream wedding. Like I told most of the people I met in life, I rather post a big advertisement on a major newspaper with our wedding picture announcing we are married and prior to that just get married in a mosque without any reception than spend thousands just for a wedding.
Oh but please don't be so disturbed with my bizarre ideas. I mean that is just me. You might not be able to pull it off anyway.
And let us go on with our main objective here. Despite my own personal opinion, I do so much love going shopping for a wedding. I can balance my personal opinion with your personal opinion and just enjoy the whole process anyway. Okay, that was a bit exaggerated. I do actually feel disturbed with your idea of an ideal wedding if it is too alien than my ideal wedding.
Oh why can't I just keep this post innocently gushy and purely about wedding without blurring the image with my dark ideas and thoughts.
Sorry guys. Now let us go on to our real objective ( I know I am saying this the second time). Here we go, sites that I like and would really love it if other people benefit from it:
If you are looking for branded cosmetics, home and fashion items for your hantaran, head on to these warehouse sales between this 9th to 15th November 2010:
These are the sites that I followed because of their original and affordable ideas of a wedding:
- Merisik Gallery
- Witty and Funny thoughts on a journey towards a wedding
- Check out this blog I just found for ideas
- I have previously hired this photographer for my convocation. She is very original and her I lighting is impeccable.
- I found his works while stumbling around and found his works worthy of note.
- This website is just for idea gatherings
- This is my friend who is quite talented with fresh flowers and can make all kinds of floral arrangments.
- Check this out now for your honeymoon.
So thats all that I can share online. Quite a number of my contacts are not available online. I might consider becoming a wedding arranger (not a planner ok) if the pay is right. lol.
Anyway, I hope you benefited from this post and have a wonderful wedding.
With Love,
Sarah
(now thats rare).
01 November 2010
November
My pupillage will end in 11 days. I filed my petition on 11 February. My last day is on 11/11/10. Love the date.
Anyway, I went through a lot. My life course changed dramatically. Quite far than what I have planned for myself.
Before, I thought I just want to end my chambering. Then just join public service. Like I said before, I had some jobs that I can push myself into. I already had a home for myself. If I joined I can pay for my mother's house and stay there.
Even if I don't join I can still find a job in my area and still live in that house.
But.
The firm offered me. At first I refused. Right after that I send out my resumes to 42 firms around my area. Although I stated my availability for December some firms did called anyway and asked me to come for an interview. I thought that would be my life for a while. Then unexpectedly the big boss feigned ignorance and offered me the second time. Much as my friend wanted to believe that the last time i was being misunderstood, I know I wasn't misunderstood.
But it was a second chance anyway.
After going to a few interviews, I know this would be the best firm for me for the time being. I hate going to big firms. I never want to go to big firms. If I am going to be a lawyer at all, I want to be so in a place where I can be challenged and learn a lot of things happily.
So I asked for one month to think. My boss gave me 7 days.
I took the whole 7 days. Weighed my options (which I managed to obtain by the way). On the 7th day I submit my acceptance to this firm and rejection with another firm.
I had to move to a room near my office. It's to save cost. I had to leave a place where I am free to do whatever I want by myself and be comfortable and live in a smaller place with strangers.
I am quite saddened but I know it is necessary. By this time I no longer know what is waiting for me in life.
I am quite lost as to the future. But I saw the present clearly. I am now taking my chance and grabbed the best option that I had. All I know is I just had to brace it by myself.
Anyway, I went through a lot. My life course changed dramatically. Quite far than what I have planned for myself.
Before, I thought I just want to end my chambering. Then just join public service. Like I said before, I had some jobs that I can push myself into. I already had a home for myself. If I joined I can pay for my mother's house and stay there.
Even if I don't join I can still find a job in my area and still live in that house.
But.
The firm offered me. At first I refused. Right after that I send out my resumes to 42 firms around my area. Although I stated my availability for December some firms did called anyway and asked me to come for an interview. I thought that would be my life for a while. Then unexpectedly the big boss feigned ignorance and offered me the second time. Much as my friend wanted to believe that the last time i was being misunderstood, I know I wasn't misunderstood.
But it was a second chance anyway.
After going to a few interviews, I know this would be the best firm for me for the time being. I hate going to big firms. I never want to go to big firms. If I am going to be a lawyer at all, I want to be so in a place where I can be challenged and learn a lot of things happily.
So I asked for one month to think. My boss gave me 7 days.
I took the whole 7 days. Weighed my options (which I managed to obtain by the way). On the 7th day I submit my acceptance to this firm and rejection with another firm.
I had to move to a room near my office. It's to save cost. I had to leave a place where I am free to do whatever I want by myself and be comfortable and live in a smaller place with strangers.
I am quite saddened but I know it is necessary. By this time I no longer know what is waiting for me in life.
I am quite lost as to the future. But I saw the present clearly. I am now taking my chance and grabbed the best option that I had. All I know is I just had to brace it by myself.
06 October 2010
Quotes of the day
There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama & the people who create it & surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is to short to be anything but happy.
05 October 2010
Think about ME
People know they are going to die but live anyway.
The same principle is relevant to a lot of other things such as:
and everything else that may cross your mind.
The point is:
Is it logical to stop living when calamity happens?
Calamity is there for us to keep on living.
There is no life without disaster. People will be tired with happiness if there is only happiness in life. Calamity made life more meaningful.
So then, are we going to stop living?
Are we going to forsake quality service/things that we thought we deserve because of calamity?
Are we going to stop moving forward and advocate positive but small things that may not help people in Pakistan or Palestine but help made some people who say, went to an Ikan Patin Restaurant in Temerloh be happy because of it's great service?
My answer is no. I will keep on living, be helpful and at the same time complaint about things. I will not be a robot who will only feel one thing at one particular time. No, my life is not like "Oh hey I've got worked to do!" and then I work come hell or heaven until my work is finished or "Ya Allah, bencana, perang.." then I should lie down, cry and be in despair. No, I am like "Work? Ok...hey thats a PC Game...Ok...hey thats food...eat!" or "Kesiannya diorang tak dapat makanan sebab banjir...hey kawan-kawan tolong la bagi derma...eh kenapa kedai ikan patin ni hampeh sangat ha?".
So that's my POV. Beg to differ all you want and can everything. I think I have revealed part of me very clearly.
Probably it's just me. But I feel it'll be interesting if this is my answer to how some people think how some things should be looked at and that is how it should and always will be and that theirs are the most correct method. I totally get their point, it got me thinking and I think thats absurd thank you very much.
lets apply the principle again:
and the list go on.
The same principle is relevant to a lot of other things such as:
- I know I am not the best student or student with outstanding CGPA but I be merry proud of my achievement anyway.
- I am sad and feel for the people in Pakistan and Palestine and will do my best to help in whatever way I can but I keep on living as usual and still complaint about restaurant service anyway.
- I know that I may not be the prettiest girl in the universe but I buy clothes, bags, accesories, make ups etc etc anyway.
- I have no boyfriend but I dream and made plans of living with someone in the future anyway.
- Money is never enough but I give anyway.
and everything else that may cross your mind.
The point is:
Is it logical to stop living when calamity happens?
Calamity is there for us to keep on living.
There is no life without disaster. People will be tired with happiness if there is only happiness in life. Calamity made life more meaningful.
So then, are we going to stop living?
Are we going to forsake quality service/things that we thought we deserve because of calamity?
Are we going to stop moving forward and advocate positive but small things that may not help people in Pakistan or Palestine but help made some people who say, went to an Ikan Patin Restaurant in Temerloh be happy because of it's great service?
My answer is no. I will keep on living, be helpful and at the same time complaint about things. I will not be a robot who will only feel one thing at one particular time. No, my life is not like "Oh hey I've got worked to do!" and then I work come hell or heaven until my work is finished or "Ya Allah, bencana, perang.." then I should lie down, cry and be in despair. No, I am like "Work? Ok...hey thats a PC Game...Ok...hey thats food...eat!" or "Kesiannya diorang tak dapat makanan sebab banjir...hey kawan-kawan tolong la bagi derma...eh kenapa kedai ikan patin ni hampeh sangat ha?".
So that's my POV. Beg to differ all you want and can everything. I think I have revealed part of me very clearly.
Probably it's just me. But I feel it'll be interesting if this is my answer to how some people think how some things should be looked at and that is how it should and always will be and that theirs are the most correct method. I totally get their point, it got me thinking and I think thats absurd thank you very much.
lets apply the principle again:
- People don't prefer/hate the way I think and act but be my friend anyway.
- I don't like a friend's opinion but admire her anyway.
and the list go on.
22 September 2010
Temerloh
Just got back from Temerloh~
I had quite a fun journey because my master wanted Liza to come along. We just went there to file something at the the High Court. I was excited because the last time I was there for trial I didnt get to eat at the best Ikan Patin restaurant.
So this time, when I went by myself I brought food container with heat resistant bag.
I planned to ask the court staff where is the best place to eat Ikan Patin masak tempoyak in Temerloh. and I did.
They told me its Restoran Pak Usop.
So me and Liza went and found the place. However, we are quite disappointed because the shop keeper including all the waiters are very proud and haughty. We believe it is because they assume that they are famous so they don't have to care about customers anymore. Both of us were quite confused because they were no signs or indications whatsoever that we must self-service. However, being quite a savy eaters we help ourselves to all the lauk. We also had to ask a few times for rice which in the end we went to take ourselves.
We are so frustrated with the service because we came all the way from Kuala Lumpur and went at great length to find the restaurant and were so hungry.
The Ikan Patin masak tempoyak at Pak Usop's is not that great that they can be so haughty and proud like that. They were not that many customers at that time of the day either (around 2.30pm-3.30pm).
We have been to busier restaurant with way better service right in Kuala Lumpur. I thought people in small town supposed to be more courteous.
Because I were of the opinion that Pak Usop & Co is very poyo to us I didn't even want to fill my food container with their Ikan Patin masak tempoyak. Plus, it was not THAT great. I have tasted better. They didn't even cook the original fresh water fish (ikan sungai) but used farm fish instead.
Instead, me and Liza tapau Nasi Ayam at the end of Pak Usop's row. It was delicious.
Regardless, we are satisfied that we have tasted and tested the infamous Pak Usop's. Definitely will not recommend it to fellow travelers because they simply don't deserve it. I used to eat at a restaurant at the back of Pak Usop's and it tasted better and had more choices.
Because of my disappointment I refuse to picture the food. Plus, at that time of the day they werent many lauk left.
My friend from Temerloh who was outstation that day promised that for my next visit he will take me to a genuine Ikan Patin masak Tempoyak restaurant near the Hospital.
Admittedly, you may only taste the best Ikan Patin Masak Tempoyak right inside Temerloh. Any other place outside it will taste weird (went to R&R Genting Sempah last time and it tasted bad there).
However, in Selangor - Kuala Lumpur you can find anything that tasted better than its origin place if you know where to look.
My wish to eat the food at its origin place is only due to traveling i.e why not? since we are here.
Our frustration did not last for very long however.
For one thing, we are no longer hungry. Plus, we get to sight seeing at a place where we don't usually go.
For me, the best thing that happened during our visit to Temerloh is the RM3 car wash:
It was unbelievable. RM3?!
But it's true. On our way back we stop by to get my very dirty car a wash.
I am so happy that it is in Temerloh, definitely will be stuck in a long queue if it's in KL.
We don't have to go out of the car. I have only to drive into sections where they splash water,
then splash snowy soap,
then enter the 'washing machine',
then some people will dry your car.
You can add RM1 for tyre wax and RM4 for vacuum. But I don't need the extra service so I just have to pay RM3.
On our way back we stopped at R&R Genting Sempah to buy Buah Berangan and exotic fruits. The usual mango and banana are from KL but its sold cheap here. I bought wild mangosteen that was harvested by orang asli and home grown eggplant, some Buah Berangan (memang berangan kalau makan. haha) and some mango.
It didn't cost me more than RM20.
My final say? I definitely will come again because I haven't tasted the best Ikan Patin masak Tempoyak.
Blah la Pak Usop. Memang takda ong la orang nama Usop ni.
I had quite a fun journey because my master wanted Liza to come along. We just went there to file something at the the High Court. I was excited because the last time I was there for trial I didnt get to eat at the best Ikan Patin restaurant.
So this time, when I went by myself I brought food container with heat resistant bag.
I planned to ask the court staff where is the best place to eat Ikan Patin masak tempoyak in Temerloh. and I did.
They told me its Restoran Pak Usop.
So me and Liza went and found the place. However, we are quite disappointed because the shop keeper including all the waiters are very proud and haughty. We believe it is because they assume that they are famous so they don't have to care about customers anymore. Both of us were quite confused because they were no signs or indications whatsoever that we must self-service. However, being quite a savy eaters we help ourselves to all the lauk. We also had to ask a few times for rice which in the end we went to take ourselves.
We are so frustrated with the service because we came all the way from Kuala Lumpur and went at great length to find the restaurant and were so hungry.
The Ikan Patin masak tempoyak at Pak Usop's is not that great that they can be so haughty and proud like that. They were not that many customers at that time of the day either (around 2.30pm-3.30pm).
We have been to busier restaurant with way better service right in Kuala Lumpur. I thought people in small town supposed to be more courteous.
Because I were of the opinion that Pak Usop & Co is very poyo to us I didn't even want to fill my food container with their Ikan Patin masak tempoyak. Plus, it was not THAT great. I have tasted better. They didn't even cook the original fresh water fish (ikan sungai) but used farm fish instead.
Instead, me and Liza tapau Nasi Ayam at the end of Pak Usop's row. It was delicious.
Regardless, we are satisfied that we have tasted and tested the infamous Pak Usop's. Definitely will not recommend it to fellow travelers because they simply don't deserve it. I used to eat at a restaurant at the back of Pak Usop's and it tasted better and had more choices.
Because of my disappointment I refuse to picture the food. Plus, at that time of the day they werent many lauk left.
My friend from Temerloh who was outstation that day promised that for my next visit he will take me to a genuine Ikan Patin masak Tempoyak restaurant near the Hospital.
Admittedly, you may only taste the best Ikan Patin Masak Tempoyak right inside Temerloh. Any other place outside it will taste weird (went to R&R Genting Sempah last time and it tasted bad there).
However, in Selangor - Kuala Lumpur you can find anything that tasted better than its origin place if you know where to look.
My wish to eat the food at its origin place is only due to traveling i.e why not? since we are here.
Our frustration did not last for very long however.
For one thing, we are no longer hungry. Plus, we get to sight seeing at a place where we don't usually go.
For me, the best thing that happened during our visit to Temerloh is the RM3 car wash:
It was unbelievable. RM3?!
But it's true. On our way back we stop by to get my very dirty car a wash.
I am so happy that it is in Temerloh, definitely will be stuck in a long queue if it's in KL.
We don't have to go out of the car. I have only to drive into sections where they splash water,
then splash snowy soap,
then enter the 'washing machine',
then some people will dry your car.
You can add RM1 for tyre wax and RM4 for vacuum. But I don't need the extra service so I just have to pay RM3.
On our way back we stopped at R&R Genting Sempah to buy Buah Berangan and exotic fruits. The usual mango and banana are from KL but its sold cheap here. I bought wild mangosteen that was harvested by orang asli and home grown eggplant, some Buah Berangan (memang berangan kalau makan. haha) and some mango.
It didn't cost me more than RM20.
My final say? I definitely will come again because I haven't tasted the best Ikan Patin masak Tempoyak.
Blah la Pak Usop. Memang takda ong la orang nama Usop ni.
16 September 2010
News Flash?
Oh my, can't believe I didn't write here for two months! I refuse to become extinct blog writer. Hm, I usually write at least once a month. Guess life is catching up to me or it got me already. Is this the price of growing up? haha
Whats my news?
P/S: The down side of having a boss who corrects you for a single dot.
Whats my news?
- It has somehow become a habit of not writing in my blog when I really want to because whenever I feel like writing about something I suddenly want to keep it to myself.
- I am glad nobody (almost) read my blog because I don't feel obligated (much) to write.
- I decided to watch my spelling and grammar from now on (although I am never good at grammar actually).
- Movie: Robin Hood is almost...almost as good as the Lord of The Ring. Since LoTR, Robin Hood is the best!
- Movie: I can't believe Toys Story 3 can be so good. Its a keeper.
- I feel so sorry for the fate of my ex boss who was kind to me in the littlest time that I have worked for him. May he rest in peace. Al-Fatihah.
- I want to round up my friends and get them to Bangi and eat at this restaurant that i located last puasa.
- My convocation is on 3/10/2010 at 2pm. I am just anxious about preparation for my convocation. My photographers are yet to confirm their availability, I don't feel like making a new dress, I am at a loss at how to manage and round up my family, not sure whether we should take our whole family shot there and then or wait for another day, should I hire a convo planner who'll take care of all that? haha
- I also want to round up my friends at this restaurant. Ok now I cant decide.
- I stayed for two nights here alone during Raya and only go to relative's house during the day. I actually enjoy it and sleep peacefully. I dont mind making a habit out of it. Please don't gasp at me. I am unconventional. It's just how I am.
- The news about my ex boss (see bullet #6) disturbed (paranoid) me and I didn't sleep at my home until yesterday since 9/9/2010 (including days spent at kampung for raya). I'm thinking of putting up an alarm system but don't know how much it will cost me. I'm too poor to move out and too comfortable to go back to parent's. The Port Dickson case didn't help either. To think about it, I'm even too poor to get a good flick knife. Maybe I should get a shooting lesson and get a gun license. It's useful with my line of work anyway. How much will that cost me?
P/S: The down side of having a boss who corrects you for a single dot.
30 July 2010
Sebenarnye
Yang sebenarnye aku Okay. Terbiasa menulis tentang benda2 yang depress kat sini. sangat ironi dengan tajuk blog nih. anggap je la bila aku tak menulis tentang perkara-perkara yang hampeh bahawa aku sedang biasa-biasa aje ataupun hepi.
Minggu ni terasa sangat panjang. tapi sebenarnye aku hepi. banyak peristiwa menarik yg aku join. malas nak cerita. tengok je la gambar kat fb.
btw, semua orang dah kahwin. harap berbahagia.
aku pulak....sentiasa berfikiran terbuka. kalau ada jodoh adalah. setakat ni takde. jadi aku plan cara-cara untuk hidup gembira seorang diri:
1. Ada duit jek pegi melancong
2. ada duit jek beli benda-benda hobi seperti buku2 ataupun kelengkapan fotografi
3. mengambil kelas memasak
4. mengambil kelas fotografi
5. tido ikut suka
6. pegi melancong untuk menangkap gambar
7. buat benda-benda yang orang yg dah ada suami takleh nak wat...apepe je la...ape yg korang takleh wat itulah yg aku nak wat.
8. membaca buku cerita classic sepanjang hari
9. tengok kdorama sepanjang hari
10. tengok jdorama sepanjang hari
11. tengok anime sepanjang hari
12. beli xbox
13. main xbox
14. beli home theatre untuk main xbox
15. melakukan interior design mengikut citarasa sendiri tanpa disangkal oleh sesiapapun
16. duduk di depan komputer sepanjang hari
17. bersikap sambil lewa kerana tidak mempunyai tanggungjawab sebagai isteri mahupun ibu
18. mengerjakan haji dan umrah sebaik sahaja berduit
19. mengsponsor mak bapak mengerjakan haji dan umrah
20. berlagak kaya terhadap mak bapak dengan memberi wang saku yg banyak kerana tidak perlu menyara suami ataupun anak-anak
21. mengikuti kelas pengajian al-Quran
22. mengikuti kelas ceramah agama dan penghayatan Quran yg best dan tidak berkira tentang yuran kerana tiada yuran sekolah anak2 yg perlu dibayar.
23. melakukan kerja-kerja amal kerana mempunyai masa terluang
24. keluar rumah sesuka hati kerana tidak perlu minta izin suami
25. membeli baju sesuka hati
26. membeli belah tak ingat dunia
27. membeli peralatan memasak seperti oven, pan, pots etc yg sgt canggih dan membuang masa di dapur untuk mecipta resepi
28. memasak benda-benda pelik dan tak sedap namun tidak dikomen oleh sesiapa pun
whoa, aku pun rasa takjub dengan list yg panjang ni. sebenarnye banyak lagi bleh letak tapi aku dah malas. bila aku sendiri baca list yg aku sendiri buat aku sedar bahawa sekarang pun aku sudah happy. walaupun ada benda yang dalam list tu aku masih tak mampu nak buat tapi sekiranya benar2 terjadi yang aku akan bersendirian aku berasa yakin yang aku akan dapat hidup dengan bermakna. walaupun ada jugak perkara-perkara tak bertanggungjawab aku nak buat dalam list tu tapi aku harap ia dapat diseimbangkan dengan banyak lagi benda berfaedah yang aku nak buat.
sebenarnye hidup dengan pasangan ataupun hidup seorang diri. kedua-duanya tidak lepas dari masalah emosi. hidup seorang diri mestilah kadangkala diserang perasaan sunyi dan bermacam-macam lagilah yang agak tensen untuk dinyatakan. tetapi hidup dengan pasangan pun ada jugak masalahnya. tidak juga dijamin lepas dari masalah emosi yang dihadapi oleh orang yg menyendiri. ada orang dah kahwin pun macam tak kahwin jugak. memang kita berharap yang hidup ini lebih mudah jika ditempuhi dengan seorang lagi teman a.k.a partner. tetapi tidak semua partnership berjaya dan tidak semua sole proprietorship itu gagal.
adakah aku di dalam denial? sebab itukah aku berpendapat begini?
peduli apa aku.
Minggu ni terasa sangat panjang. tapi sebenarnye aku hepi. banyak peristiwa menarik yg aku join. malas nak cerita. tengok je la gambar kat fb.
btw, semua orang dah kahwin. harap berbahagia.
aku pulak....sentiasa berfikiran terbuka. kalau ada jodoh adalah. setakat ni takde. jadi aku plan cara-cara untuk hidup gembira seorang diri:
1. Ada duit jek pegi melancong
2. ada duit jek beli benda-benda hobi seperti buku2 ataupun kelengkapan fotografi
3. mengambil kelas memasak
4. mengambil kelas fotografi
5. tido ikut suka
6. pegi melancong untuk menangkap gambar
7. buat benda-benda yang orang yg dah ada suami takleh nak wat...apepe je la...ape yg korang takleh wat itulah yg aku nak wat.
8. membaca buku cerita classic sepanjang hari
9. tengok kdorama sepanjang hari
10. tengok jdorama sepanjang hari
11. tengok anime sepanjang hari
12. beli xbox
13. main xbox
14. beli home theatre untuk main xbox
15. melakukan interior design mengikut citarasa sendiri tanpa disangkal oleh sesiapapun
16. duduk di depan komputer sepanjang hari
17. bersikap sambil lewa kerana tidak mempunyai tanggungjawab sebagai isteri mahupun ibu
18. mengerjakan haji dan umrah sebaik sahaja berduit
19. mengsponsor mak bapak mengerjakan haji dan umrah
20. berlagak kaya terhadap mak bapak dengan memberi wang saku yg banyak kerana tidak perlu menyara suami ataupun anak-anak
21. mengikuti kelas pengajian al-Quran
22. mengikuti kelas ceramah agama dan penghayatan Quran yg best dan tidak berkira tentang yuran kerana tiada yuran sekolah anak2 yg perlu dibayar.
23. melakukan kerja-kerja amal kerana mempunyai masa terluang
24. keluar rumah sesuka hati kerana tidak perlu minta izin suami
25. membeli baju sesuka hati
26. membeli belah tak ingat dunia
27. membeli peralatan memasak seperti oven, pan, pots etc yg sgt canggih dan membuang masa di dapur untuk mecipta resepi
28. memasak benda-benda pelik dan tak sedap namun tidak dikomen oleh sesiapa pun
whoa, aku pun rasa takjub dengan list yg panjang ni. sebenarnye banyak lagi bleh letak tapi aku dah malas. bila aku sendiri baca list yg aku sendiri buat aku sedar bahawa sekarang pun aku sudah happy. walaupun ada benda yang dalam list tu aku masih tak mampu nak buat tapi sekiranya benar2 terjadi yang aku akan bersendirian aku berasa yakin yang aku akan dapat hidup dengan bermakna. walaupun ada jugak perkara-perkara tak bertanggungjawab aku nak buat dalam list tu tapi aku harap ia dapat diseimbangkan dengan banyak lagi benda berfaedah yang aku nak buat.
sebenarnye hidup dengan pasangan ataupun hidup seorang diri. kedua-duanya tidak lepas dari masalah emosi. hidup seorang diri mestilah kadangkala diserang perasaan sunyi dan bermacam-macam lagilah yang agak tensen untuk dinyatakan. tetapi hidup dengan pasangan pun ada jugak masalahnya. tidak juga dijamin lepas dari masalah emosi yang dihadapi oleh orang yg menyendiri. ada orang dah kahwin pun macam tak kahwin jugak. memang kita berharap yang hidup ini lebih mudah jika ditempuhi dengan seorang lagi teman a.k.a partner. tetapi tidak semua partnership berjaya dan tidak semua sole proprietorship itu gagal.
adakah aku di dalam denial? sebab itukah aku berpendapat begini?
peduli apa aku.
07 July 2010
Huh
I have this deep feeling or piece of mind that i think i want to blog about.
But...sometimes i feel like there is no use. it might just hurt the feelings of some people.
Most of the times i dont really care.
But hey what the hell...as long as i know i dont intend to hurt anyone but all i know is i just have to let this feeling out.
at 2am in the morning of Tuesday it got me thinking that: hey, people can actually count on you for things. but what can you count them on? here you are, throwing up and having food poisoning all alone. you feel like you want to go down, take your car and drive to the nearest 24hrs clinic but you are afraid to go out alone. some names popped out in your head. but you either know they cant help or you feel that you must not trouble them.
at 7.30am you were thinking of getting an MC. you cant go to your legal aid. out of all your legal aid days that you had successfully attended you had to be so sick on the day you got a mid term review. but trying so hard to sustain yourself, you had consumed all necessary medication for your predicament all night long and try to convince yourself that you can hold yourself together until 3pm.
so at 8am you get in your car still feeling sick in your stomach and felt so ill but you just didnt think that you are not focusing and went out until you bumped into the car in front of you. so you said sorry to the guy and told him you're sick, and you're on your way to prison as if that really matter. at the same time you were thinking none of this would have happened if somebody come and get you.
in the end you had to call your supervisor and told him that you dont know if he will believe you or not but you had food poisoning all night long but you still tried coming for him but you got involved in an accident. you were told that you were believed and told you to get a rest. you were just too tired to care if he really did mean it.
so you had no choice but to inform your mother and went to her house and watch her become speechless. you always knew that she will blame you and you being sick is just some minor unimportant detail to the incident. because the most important thing is you were reckless and you had caused so much lost.
so you just keep your silence and then let her vent out until she had no more to say for the time being. so you just walked out and take the car to a workshop. but you had to wait for the car you bumped into to come so you decided to get an MC at the nearest clinic. you waited for one and a half hour for your turn and paid for expensive medication. you were just too tired to argue. and then you hang out at the workshop until everything is sorted out. and you were thinking how tiring it is to be so alone and you never wished to be so.
then the workshop people send you home and you had to silently listen to your mother. and you feel so helpless because your mother gave up on you. in a way you also feel sorry for her because she regretted having forced you to reject all job offers and pursue your pupillage until she realized she had so much to pay for. you also feel sorry for her because its too late for her to regret it. and its kinda break your heart seeing her all worked up like that.
but when the storm is over, you just know that some people will just think that whatever happen to you is just so ordinary. but you just know that everybody got a problem. and you were thinking why the hell you are not entitle to feel crushed to your own problem sometimes. and you feel that it will be so good if people that you want to can come and totally get you and make you feel better. so you go back to square on, thinking the same thing over and over again.
but then you knew that you already lost your faith in them because when their names popped out in your head you didnt call them and told them what happened because you no longer trusted them to be able to pull it off. because you had trusted before. but they failed you. if you cant trust them for simpler things than your current predicament its impossible to trust them with what happened now. and you think why the hell didnt they try to win your trust back. so you just believe that they think you're not worth it which make you further believe that its a good thing you already lose your faith in them.
But...sometimes i feel like there is no use. it might just hurt the feelings of some people.
Most of the times i dont really care.
But hey what the hell...as long as i know i dont intend to hurt anyone but all i know is i just have to let this feeling out.
at 2am in the morning of Tuesday it got me thinking that: hey, people can actually count on you for things. but what can you count them on? here you are, throwing up and having food poisoning all alone. you feel like you want to go down, take your car and drive to the nearest 24hrs clinic but you are afraid to go out alone. some names popped out in your head. but you either know they cant help or you feel that you must not trouble them.
at 7.30am you were thinking of getting an MC. you cant go to your legal aid. out of all your legal aid days that you had successfully attended you had to be so sick on the day you got a mid term review. but trying so hard to sustain yourself, you had consumed all necessary medication for your predicament all night long and try to convince yourself that you can hold yourself together until 3pm.
so at 8am you get in your car still feeling sick in your stomach and felt so ill but you just didnt think that you are not focusing and went out until you bumped into the car in front of you. so you said sorry to the guy and told him you're sick, and you're on your way to prison as if that really matter. at the same time you were thinking none of this would have happened if somebody come and get you.
in the end you had to call your supervisor and told him that you dont know if he will believe you or not but you had food poisoning all night long but you still tried coming for him but you got involved in an accident. you were told that you were believed and told you to get a rest. you were just too tired to care if he really did mean it.
so you had no choice but to inform your mother and went to her house and watch her become speechless. you always knew that she will blame you and you being sick is just some minor unimportant detail to the incident. because the most important thing is you were reckless and you had caused so much lost.
so you just keep your silence and then let her vent out until she had no more to say for the time being. so you just walked out and take the car to a workshop. but you had to wait for the car you bumped into to come so you decided to get an MC at the nearest clinic. you waited for one and a half hour for your turn and paid for expensive medication. you were just too tired to argue. and then you hang out at the workshop until everything is sorted out. and you were thinking how tiring it is to be so alone and you never wished to be so.
then the workshop people send you home and you had to silently listen to your mother. and you feel so helpless because your mother gave up on you. in a way you also feel sorry for her because she regretted having forced you to reject all job offers and pursue your pupillage until she realized she had so much to pay for. you also feel sorry for her because its too late for her to regret it. and its kinda break your heart seeing her all worked up like that.
but when the storm is over, you just know that some people will just think that whatever happen to you is just so ordinary. but you just know that everybody got a problem. and you were thinking why the hell you are not entitle to feel crushed to your own problem sometimes. and you feel that it will be so good if people that you want to can come and totally get you and make you feel better. so you go back to square on, thinking the same thing over and over again.
but then you knew that you already lost your faith in them because when their names popped out in your head you didnt call them and told them what happened because you no longer trusted them to be able to pull it off. because you had trusted before. but they failed you. if you cant trust them for simpler things than your current predicament its impossible to trust them with what happened now. and you think why the hell didnt they try to win your trust back. so you just believe that they think you're not worth it which make you further believe that its a good thing you already lose your faith in them.
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