Choked

The title is like what it is because I had this choking sensation since i woke up. I have no idea why. Probably due to the lack of oxygen. I tried inhaling deeply to no avail.

It feels somewhat interesting when I saw a friend is writing about song meaning today. I myself have been thinking of putting one or two lines out of any lyric that i like as the beginning of my post but is still in the midst of compiling them, so I have not come to do it. People put quotes or poem in the beginning of their post so I thought I want to put song. You could say that I copied them but its only because I find that style will better explain myself. I had chosen lyric because I rarely read any poetry at all. Further, people's taste in music vary so the chances are even when people did the same thing as me they wouldn't choose the same particular line of the lyric.

Talking about lyric, I almost cried when I listened to I need a doctor by Eminem(ft Dr.Dre & Skylar Grey). Of course I am not into profanities but I had this soft spot about anything concerning loyalty, friendship and chivalry. I can see how strong the bond between Dr. Dre and Eminem (at least as its depicted in the lyric). Thats the very thing that I have been trying to maintain and search in my friends all my life. I know that my standard is too high and I am probably not that perfect either. But I always tried my best to be the best kind of friend to people that I am close to. Previously I expect the same return from them but after many years I realized that its useless to hope for that (I am sorry to say this but this is how I feel) and I should just be my definition of 'best' to many close friends and hope they sometimes return it back. This line of thinking made me happier especially in situation when I really need someone by my side and one of them came to my house just because I feel like that.

Slave Hunters (Chuno)

I saw Chuno for the first time when it was aired in KBS. I forgot when was that. At that time I couldn't follow the series. It piqued me but I was deliberating for quite some time until it won KBS Drama Award for 2010. Its quite by accident that I was browsing channels on TV at that particular day and time and managed to catch KBS Drama Award.

So the moment I got back from my parent's after watching the Drama Award I immediately went to uri local video stores and got it for RM40 in HD. ahem. hehe.

Oh the first episode by itself got me hooked already and the rest is history. I love the plot, the CGI, the stunts, the OST, the dialogue, the ancient Korean language, the actors, the emotions displayed, the fighting scenes!, the male actors! (hehe) and i am the biggest fan of wangsun mama!

I wonder if Kim Jin-Woo behaved the way he did in Chuno in the real life too. If yes, I am so amazed. I want to learn from his parents how to raise a kid like that. I mean he was the least fussy baby I have ever seen in my life. He is cute like snow, he allows absolutely everybody to carry him, he sits still when placed down and also when he sits on adults' lap, he is smart (I conclude this when he played Seol Hwa's musical instrument and he responded to the thief lord who loves children),  he can be instructed (because he said 'yes' when Han-seom paid his respect. haha) and the best of all he is so quiet. In short he is the best baby actor I've seen in my life and he is just turning 5 years old this year.

Absolutely Clueless

The thought that someone had the slightest interest in me is too foreign and almost unimaginable. But then even of someone ever did I bet he'd give up just by my way of replying text messages, talk, or even chatting online. haha

The fact of how i behaved is known to me but never worried me at the slightest. Nevertheless, it became more profound when I began to think how person at the other side would feel if I keep behaving like myself.

I have no plan to change my behavior. But as time goes by I did consider people's feeling more and tried my best to mince my words.

My friends in the office told me that I have a problem. 

Based on their description I call it as 'storytelling problem'. They told me that I have a problem of being friendly by text messages because I used the most economic words to describe the situation. 

There were times when I read text messages and find myself staring complicatedly at the phone, trying my utmost thinking faculty to cook up some reply and finally came up with a one word explains all reply.

Now, I take that as a compliment to my vocabulary (ahaha) but it does made me analyze.

Hafiq said its probably because my heart was not moved yet.

I think the real reason is the other people are not in my confidante list. Even with the confidantes I am the laziest person to use text (hence all the calls). I prefer to talk. Its faster. I rather wait until they pick up than text them what I want to say. But when I do have the mood I could story away everything until I feel they could barf but this is mostly online not text messages. It is related to trust issue. I mean, why would I write this long descriptive text messages explaining things and didn't mean anything to the other (and cost me a few sen some more. lol).

If I want to tell a story I'll just write my blog where a lot more people can read, mean something to some people and nobody can delete it except me.

Okay I am doomed am I?

Time and Money: Managed

Although I am slowly making my own comeback in my biggest passion in life - reading, I seem to be getting no inspiration to write anything credible since my last post.

So I'll just post things that happened instead.

I had made a resolution to use my time better and is trying very hard to stick to it. What happen was I finally gave up lugging my heavy HP laptop that was made last century to and fro my house and my rented room. I feel more pressured to reduce my computer usage seeing that my spectacle's power keep increasing every year. This consequently made me unable to use the technology every time I get back from work. Therefore, I was gladly forced to read books instead. Finally got that second volume of Les Miserables finished two days ago. Now I am onto Thomas Harris's Ghostwriter.

I also noticed that my praying times are not organized. When I didn't waste time getting online and follow all the blogs, youtube, manga, facebook and all that - I began to pray on time.

I have been eating the same thing for breakfast and lunch most of weekdays since a few months ago at a fixed rate of RM4 for both. Now I have found another place that provides my dinner at a fixed rate of RM3.50. That means, as of next week onwards my meal would cost below RM10 per day. The biggest plus point is that all meals had less cholesterol than all my previous unfixed diet. My breakfast and lunch is Bihun putih (rice vermicelli) and my dinner is rice porridge (because I can't live without rice). I know this is not exactly the healthiest meal but I believe that there is always first step for everything (as shown above).

Updates

I am sure nobody is wondering what I'm currently doing now. Now like now at right this minute. But thats exactly why I want to tell what I am doing now right this minute.

I am crying in my heart. Literally heartbroken. Because I found out that my dream guy actually exist. 

(hands in front of my face) just don't ask me why THAT made me crestfallen.

Okay fine. You don't want to know right? So I will let you know. It's because now I had to feel so sorry for myself for being single.