15 October 2008

Fav quotes from How I Met Ur Mother

Mary the Paralegal[1.19]

Barney:
[To Ted] Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession
.
Marshall:
: Do you really think that’s true?

Barney
: Oh yeah, I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers an extra fish for putting out.

Marshall
: Ah ha, so the oldest profession would be fishermen. Kaboom! You’ve been lawyered!



Barney
: That’s adorable Ted. You’re such a hayseed. The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. You do realize that 1 out of every 8 adult women in America is a prostitute.

Marshall
: Dude you just made that up.

Barney
: Withdrawn.

Marshall
: Lawyered!

World's Greatest Couple [2.5]

Ted: Is that a toilet in your kitchen?
Robin: Or a stove in your bathroom?
Lily: Oh...that's not just a stove. That's a stoveinkerator! A combination of a stove, oven, sink and refrigerator. Stoveinkerator! Isn't that futuristic?!
Ted: God I hope not.

Atlantic City [2.8]

Marshall: Hi, we need a marriage license but we need to skip the waiting period because we're in love.
Clerk
: Aaww..I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now!

Lily
: Really!?

Clerk
: Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period but unfortunately only a judge can do that.

Lily
: Oh, so can we see a judge?

Clerk
: Absolutely!

Lily
: Really?

Clerk
: Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't.

Marshall
: [clenched teeth] Why are you doing this to us?

Clerk
: Because you're on Candid Camera!

Robin
: Really?

Clerk
: Is what I would say--

Marshall
: You know what, we get it.


Monday Night Football [2.14]

Marshall: But just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods.
Ted: Almighty TiVo, We thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of god-like. And let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, o magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats.
Marshall and Ted: Amen.

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